Wednesday, December 30, 2009

little jeremy¤

my husband came home one night,
not a word spoken; but i could tell he was upset,
as i lay on the bed thinking whats going through his head,
i wonder if i did something wrong,
wondering what will happen tomorrow.

jeremy is asleep and tucked in bed,
i walk around the house,
looking to make sure nothings aren't out of place,
take the dishes out of the dish washer.
i notice nothing, and believe everything is right where it should be.

before i go back to the room,
i go to jeremys room,
kiss him goodnight and whisper i love you.

I'm in the room,
my luggaged is missing from under my studio lights,
i walk around the corner,
the bed there, sheets folded just the way i got out of them,
one thing is different.

where is my husband?
my heart starts pounding and hands go cold.

it's over.

i wake up, cook breakfast,
jeremy is getting ready for school,
jeremy comes in, three years old and asking for pancakes,
"mommy what happened?"

he's only three,
what could i tell my son?
"oh mommy just fell down"
"do you need a hug mommy?"

jeremy ties his shoes,
i notice he is feeling bad for me.
"daddy mommy got hurt."
"Honey are you alright?"

"yes i am fine, jeremy the bus is here"
"bye honey, love you see you when i get home"
kisses and hugs, i watch jeremy climb into the bus.
waves and yells i love you mom.

i watch as the other vehicle leaves the drive way.
i start my day again,
with the list making sure everythings more perfect than it was yesterday.
staying is killing me, but he scares me into staying with him

my face bruised,
ribs and thighs hurt; bruised too.
jeremys heart may be bruised too, but i have to stay.
I'm so scared that i have to love my husband...
in order to survive.

Monday, December 7, 2009

Beginning of the "Time"

TICK.TOCK.TICK.
The clock ticks by slowly,
Every minute feels like days,
I could feel my own self aging.
Why does time have a hold of me?
I believe it's because time was stolen from me.
I'll never get to know the man I loved,
The man who had my heart.
Why does time have me by my neck?
For now the man I love is like a memory,
A piece of my history.
He waits for me with the sweet aged woman
Who watched over me while he was out.
Why don't time let me go?
Time has done many horrible things.
Time has caused my brother to forget.
TICK.TOCK.TICK.
Please let me go.
I hate waiting, I want to see him now!
I know the man I love would want me to wait,
But it's far from now.
What does time have planned from me?
All it does is cause pain to those I care about.
I'm laying here sad to say I'm waiting.
What is time bringing for tomorrow?
But most of all, What does time have planned tonight?
Nightmare? Sound Sleep? or the Future?
TICK.TOCK.TICK.
Time all I ask is please, no more pain.
Give me the dream I ask for every night,
A dream with him.
TICK.TOCK.TICK......

Thursday, December 3, 2009

That I'm In Luv With Yu♥

When I think of you my heart starts to flutter,
chills crawl up my spine while my fingers start to get cold.
When i'm sad all I need to do is think about our first date; you made me happy that day you saved me from the crazy lady♥
When I get scared or afraid, I began to feel your arms wrapping around me.
When you are sleeping beside me, i listen to yur heart talk to me; telling me that you love me♥
When you are watching tv, i watch your smile and listen to your laugh♥
When I kiss you shania's song pops in my head "I wish you could see the way you kiss..."
All my thoughts about you sink in my heart and I know, That I'm In Love With You♥

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Before Your Gone

He holds me as if I'm delicate, and has sworn to never let go. When he whispers in my ear he pulls me close and brushes his finger against my face. Late at night I lay here listening to the beats of his heart, thump thump... tick tick. I wake from my dream hearing my clock ticking on my dresser. Two years from that night stays in my memory. my fiance lays next to me, everyday i tell him i love him, but your face comes to mind. You were so good to me i can't seem to let you go. In my drawer, i grab the note that was sent to me from two years ago.

Wester Union Mail:
Dear ______,
Deeply Regret to inform you that your Husband Sergeant _____ has been killed in action on 9 May, 2000 while on a combat operation. You will be notified when Sergeant ______ has arrived from overseas.
A letter from Sergeant ______ is inclosed.


Dear My Darling,
I'm sorry i couldn't be there with you when our littlle angel grows up, but i will be with you always. Never forget our times together, like the time we drove down the back roads and got stuck. My darling I'll always love you and my daughter, I hope she's just like you; beautiful and smart. Remind her everyday of how much I loved her. I hope you find that love again, don't be afraid to fall in love. Both of you will remain in my heart.
Love your Husband _____
Love your Daddy _____

I sit here motionless looking out the window, hoping to see your cab pull up to the house, or see you playing in the front yard with your little girl. I miss you everyday and i know i'll always will. But then when I get sad i see you in our little girl and I know your with us. I Love You _____

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Far Away

your many miles from where we first met. it was the halls ways we roamed our last year, looking and dodging each other in the hall ways. your many miles from where we had our first date. the waters were ice blue, me hiding from you while i studied your strokes you created in the water from afar, your many miles away from where we had our first kiss. hands shaking while holding the door for balance, but all we got was a quick peck. your many miles away from where we had our first dance. guiding me to the dance floor where our body's can move as one. your many miles away from where we first had our fight. in the car you were in silence till i felt calm to talk to you, though you almost fell asleep at the wheel. your many miles away from where we first said i love you. scared as i was i stayed silent till i replied i love you. your many miles away from where you asked me to spend my life with you. I Do.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Hmmm...

Flash Forward-Flash Back.
what did i just see? i am with the love of my life, but still you hold that place in my heart, or maybe my mind is putting you there... i want to yank you out and tell you to find some place else to lay. but i hesitate, what if when i yank you out i yank out our memories? i want to keep those, but i just want you out of my heart. the love of my life is standing in front of me smiling. he does not know what goes on in my head, maybe he senses it but i'm not sure. "I Love You" is what he says... i love you too.. I do love him. okay thats it i'm chasing you out of my heart. crash. slam. boom. quit making it hard on yourself i just need you to be somewhere else. i'll put you in my tummy, hows that?... okay stop making me have butterflies! gosh!.. where should i put you?? my toes? okay stop that! your putting my foot to sleep. Hmm... my mind? wait no, my mistake, if i put you in my mind i might lose you. hmm... okay you can be in my heart but stay in the closet. okay? This seems better, i'm not thinking of you... now where was i? oh yeah i love you too. the look on his face made me think he thought i was crazy. did he hear my conversation in my head? "are you okay?"
oh my gosh how should i say this?? "You know i don't want to share you with anyone else" okay maybe its a bad idea to keep you in the closet of my heart, but hey he don't know. Boom Slam. Bam. what's going on? You get out! No you get out! I was here first! Taylor get him out of here! He was in the closet hidding! No she put me here because she loves me too! and I love her! Taylor Me? or Him? Yeah Taylor Me? or Him?
Now what should i do? Someone Help!!!

Can I Move In?

Can I Move In?
One Heart
Lease: Forever If You Love Me Truely
Cost: Make Me Fall In Love With You

once i saw this sign i thought i'd give it a try. the last heart in moved into lasted for a month. but this heart of yours seemed tender, fragile; just as mine was too. once i moved in, it was instantly warm and cozy, it was everything i was looking for in a heart. it's rythmatic beating soothed my worried, it was all i could ask for, and i couldn't believe it was all for me. so to keep this heart my home, i'm going to do right by it, i will always take care of it. because the owner of this heart deserves everything, the whole world. i love you, and i hope i can stay with you forever like it states in the contract. I Love You.

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

heart with a twist

i lay here thinking of you when i know i shouldnt. my heart seems to be confused, my mind might be confusing me. i lay here thinking of our time, so long ago it was. does that feeling for you exsist, like it does for me? i remember the friendly hi & byes, then when i can no longer count them i think of the touches. asking for your hand, just so i can hold it. my heart is confused. how can it be when were no longer what we use to be: FRIENDS IN LOVE. we swam in a pool of love. you carrying me, grabbing my arms to pull me closer to you. under the water we went, the rush we had still swims in my viens. seeing those brown eyes in my daydreams and hearing your laugh rings in my ears. its kind of hard to say i dont love you when i think i do.i wish i knew what you felt, maybe your stopping yourself just as im stopping my feelings. he lays next to me as i think of you. i imagine you holding me just to wonder how it might feel, i wonder if you think of me that way. *that day i pulled away... what if i didnt? would have something happened? would we have became something? the hug was the most incredible feeling ive ever felt, it was the closest thing we got to a kiss. it felt as if i belonged there. maybe i should have kept myself there. would you have let me stayed? my heart is confused but i love him madly as he sleeps so peaceful. i love him so much. so why do i think of you? last look you gave, gave me hope. hope youd come back to me. because truely what if we did belong? i think i might love you? do you love me?

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Hayley Andersons Story

He abandoned me. He left me there, standing in the middle of the crowded room. I guess he couldn't take it anymore, I knew what to expect when i got home. That evening I wasn't able to enjoy the party, I didn't want to go home, knowing he would be at my door... waiting.

Sunday was a normal day; I'd wake up, and take a jog. I would jog up the hill, through the park, and back down the hill back home. But today I decided to jog downtown to the grocery store, while i was there i grabbed the daily newspaper and headed back home.
"Good Morning, My Lyla Bug!" that was always my dads way of greeting me, it never changed, not even now that i'm 17 years old. "Are you ready to begin?"
I was home schooled, I never been to public school in my life. Prom and boys were the things i never had to worry about. i sighed and went to get my books from my bedroom; another good part was i didn't have to get dressed for class. I could have corn flakes in my hair and Winnie the Pooh slippers, and no one not even my dad would care. My dad is a great teacher and wonderful single parent, though there were those times i would get bored being with my dad. Nicole, my mom, split from my dad and me when i was two years old. That's all I can say about her, she didn't want anything to do with both of us.
Missing, Hayley Anderson. I didn't know her personally but i remember her face from the grocery store, she was missing for two weeks. It was in the local paper i got from downtown.
"Are you okay, Lyla?" my dad said, "You need to go to the doctor?" All of a sudden I didn't feel so good.
"I'm okay, I just..."
I woke up in the hospital, my head throbbing full of pain, and my father by my side. I could't move, if i did the floor would start spinning. I had a bump on my head and a bruise on my neck, Dr. Vaughn figured it was stress or dehydration that cause me to collaspe. I would probably suffer slight memory loss but other than that i'd be fine. I left the hospital that day in a wheel chair, I didn't feel the need for it.
"I could walk you know."
"No, sorry you have to sit," there was sternness in Dr. Vaughns voice which made me stay put in the chair.
"It's best if you sit, I wouldn't want you to get dizzy," my father had his worried tone speaking. After Nicole left him, he was always afraid i'd leave him the way she did.
After we got home, my father took me to my room, feed me then slowly i fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night with my heart racing and my hands cold numb. It then felt like someone was watching me waiting for someone to come out from the darkness. I shut my eyes and prayed to fall asleep back in my peaceful sleep.
That next morning I went down stairs to get ready for my jog, when I was reaching for my coat I noticed my dad sitting and the kitchen table. I knew there was no way he was letting me out of the house after yesterday, so i just went and sat next to him. I said good morning but he was too into the paper to notice i was there. As I was about to get up and grab my cereal he then said good morning and told me he had news to tell me.
"Your going to start school on Wednesday, I thought I'd give you time to relax before school since your incident yesterday." No wonder why kids my age hated Mondays, bad news always seemed to come on Mondays.
"What about you! Why aren't you teaching me?! Why do I have to go to school now?" I couldn't believe I was about to start school with kids I didn't know much about.
"I have work, and it'll give you a chance to have friends, I want you to be with kids your own age. I don't want you hanging around me your whole life."
I guess he was right, i would get to know kids my own age and I didn't know whether to be excited or scared. Today I tried to figure out what caused me to faint, my dad believes it was because of my jogging. I ran how I always ran, same speed and everything. All of that thinking made me drift off into my sleep.

"Why are you leaving?! I'm sorry."
"Do you need a ride home? I can give you a ride if you want?"
"Thanks Skye but no, i'll just walk home it's not that far anyways. Thanks anyways." I tried to cover it up with a smile, but i was depressed inside I believe it showed through my smile. I left the dance and started walking home, I took the short cut of course. It was only a five minute walk from my house, but if I took the long way my feet would be killing me in my heels so thats why I chose the woods.
Crack!

Tuesday, I woke up that afternoon, my dad wasn't home so i figured he was probably at his job. Tomorrow is school, so I need to go get supplies but i'll just wait Thursday. Dad came home at 4 o'clock so immediately I went to the store to go get dinner. Spaghetti. At the check out stand I saw the same missing sign as the one in the paper.
"She used to work here," said the cashier, "Hayley was kind to everyone, i just don't know who would do such a thing."
"I'm sorry, were you friends with her?"
"No i'm her brother."
"I'm sorry about your sister, Julian." said a girl leaving the store.
"Thanks," Julian said. I could tell he wanted to cry, but he wanted to be strong and keep it in. After I left the grocery store all i seemed to think about was Hayley, everyone seemed to like her. I wonder if I went into the woods would i be kidnapped or killed? I got home and was kind of glad i was safe inside, locked the doors for extra protection.
8 o'clock, a few more hours before i have to go to school.
"You excited for school, Lyla Bug? My dad said in his encouraging hopeful voice.
Sarcastically I replied, "Yeah can't wait!"
"Lyla give it a try okay, your going to love school."
"Sure I will," I can't believe he was trying to convince me that school was going to be great, "I'm just going to go sleep now, okay."
"Okay Hun, goodnight."
"Night, dad."
I can't sleep, i feel sick watching the hands on my clock slowly makeit around to 2 and then to 3. I threw the clock onto the floor, but still the ticking was making its way to my ears, it's own way of saying school is near.

"May I help you, miss?" a woman with old fashioned glasses asked with a gentle welcoming voice.
"My name is Lyla James, I'm suppose to start school today," I can't believe i sounded like my dad, appropriate and formal.
"Oh! Mr. James daughter, welcome to Smith High School! I hope you like it here, I'm Mrs. Adams."
"Well thank you, it seems nice so far," I lied.
A girl with short hair and pink reading glasses came into the office, she seemed to be friendly and the type of girl who was into the yearbook and newspaper. It was my chance to make a friend.
"Calah, can you help her find her classes, and a tour of Smith High." Mrs. Adams was proud to be apart of this school, or maybe she just had way too much coffee this morning.
"Sure Mrs. A," she said kindly and nudged me out of the office, "Hi, my names Calah, sorry for shoving you out the door but I had to." she giggled as if there was a joke behind it all, "Mrs. A, the one you just meet gets extra happy when she gets lucky if you know what i mean."
"What? Do you mean she gets all happy after she just... eeww."
She started laughing, "No, I mean lucky when she plays bingo or her soap operas go her way. But that is gross. I'm sorry, so your name is?"
"Oh sorry, I'm Lyla."
We made our way down the hall, "So where did you move from?"
"I actually live here in town, i was home schooled by my dad."
"Home schooled? Really? That's interesting," she seemed shocked.
"Yeah it's no biggie. So what's my first class?" I tried to change the subject, i already felt like an outsider.
"So your kind of new to the school life, huh," she paused for a second, "oh, your first class is 2B, just around the corner."
When walking around the corner, i notice a locker with flowers and notes; old and new, and other decorations. "What is that?"
A sad look then came to her face, she was no longer the cheerful girl I see five minutes ago. "That is Hayley Anderson's locker, she went missing a couple weeks ago."
"She went to this school? I seen her picture in the newspaper and then yesterday i met her brother at the store."
"Yeah Julian has been out for a while, he just returned to school this week. They were really close, like best friends, but i bet he feels bad because they had a fight before she went missing."
Ring. I started to take in the information and thought i'd be best when there wasn't a crowd surrounding us.
"There's a breakfast break, you can sit with me."
Everyone filled the cafeteria, a couple eyes stared while other eyes didn't notice i was entering the cafeteria. We headed to the table with inquisitive eyes, they seemed kinda shocked, was i wearing something strange?

Story Not Finished

Wednesday, May 27, 2009

May 27, 2009

Today is a day that has to be written.
I’ll always remember it,
I had woken up to a smell of breakfast my boyfriend had cooked for me,
Of course he told me to keep this part out of the story.
I didn’t believe he would cook for me, seeing as it being the first time he said he would.
My boyfriend and I were spending the day together,
It was a warm day, nice and sunny; nothing could go wrong.
We were on our way to my favorite spot near the river,
Soon he noticed the gas gauge on empty.
We seemed to be running on the little gas that was left or maybe even air.
We struggled to find a gas station, when finally we came upon one.
15 dollars is what we got in gas, now all we had to do was pump the gas.
"What key is it?" that question had me confused at first but then I snapped.
My car has a lock on the gas tank and I didn't have the keys with me.
We laughed and asked for a refund the next thing was to go back home on air.
We didn’t even reach half way out of town before the car stopped in the Downtown Durango Neighborhood.
I then called my mom and she then gave us a list of things to do.
1. Walk to Circle K and lock the car doors.
2. Buy a gas container and fill it with a gallon of gas.
3. Walk to the car or wait at Circle K.
Two blocks to walk to the Circle K we get there and the gas can almost costs about 12 dollars, with the five dollars left; we get five dollars’ worth of gas.
Before he started filling it up, I told him to put it on the ground then fill.
With him holding it in his hand, gasoline splatters on him and his clothes and only fills up on two dollars.
"This isn't my day, I should have stayed in bed" is what he said.
Jokingly I told him he should have stayed home, but sweet as he is he always replied:
"But I’m happy because I’m with you."
We make it to the car and wait for my mom to save us; she had brought us the key to unlock the gas lock.
Sadly I then forget the road to baker so instead he then drives me to his getaway where he goes to be alone.
When we get there it's quiet and beautiful there’s little animals, trees, mountains, streams, and a river.
"This is a place where I come to think about things, now this is our place"
I was happy I was able to share a special place with him and call it ours.
Wal*Mart, Cheese Itz, fruit roll ups, and laundry soap was our shopping list.
Nice way to end our day in Durango.
Home was both rewarding and sad: rewarding= sharing half a cheese cake, sad= he left early at six o'clock.
With the day we experienced we were able to squeeze in a promise.
We promised life goals and a promise that could possibly take place in three weeks. Now the wait begins.
May 27, 2009 was a day that wanted to be written and now it has, it gave me and my boyfriend our special place in this world, state, town.

Monday, May 25, 2009

What Am I?

we two become united,
miniscule or great,
shades of various colors,
we may be snug,
we may be painful,
we travel everywhere,
we sometimes lose one another.
what are we?

Monday, May 18, 2009

Your Beautiful

my dream come true,
the day i met you,
never did i think or believe i'd love you,
first date to first kiss,
your outgoingness, my shyness,
couple days to a couple weeks
your love seeped into my heart.
together, you and i,
brief or extended time,
little or lengthy distance,
i'll be here for you.
always is what you say,
and always is what i hope to be.
i love you.

Friday, April 24, 2009

**My Little Knight in Shinning Armour**


April 24 was the big day! Boy or Girl? Soon a phone call came in from my mom, my brother and I stayed home from school that day to wait for the news. It’s a Boy! When my family came home with my new brother I’ll admit I was scared and nervous about holding my new brother. I have five brothers and zero sisters, but this is a story about the youngest brother.

His name is Gerald; just like every sibling around the world they have awkward questions, funny personality, and caring hearts. You talk to a girl or in my case a boy and the first question to pop out his mouth is “Is that your boyfriend?!” The times I hated the most when my brother was little was when he had bottles, bottles that turned to cottage cheese under the bed and in the toy box. Push when making a bottle; it always had to be rushed, if not you end up with a mad baby.

Then there are those time when I was grateful to have another brother, I was able to teach new things all over again. Play catch, flip on the trampoline, and even role play characters from the movies. Funniest memory I have of my brother, is him sitting on my mom’s lap driving down the driveway, tuning the radio to pick a song to drive to.

I love my brother, and I’m glad he came into my world.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Relationship Ingredients & Directions

2 cups of friendship
4 cups of humor
4 cups of honesty
1/2 cup of forgiveness
1 cup of dedication
3 cups of passion
6 cups of 'I love you's' & 'I care about you's'
5 cups of smiles and hugs
dash of tears
1 cup of encouragement
2 cups of gentleness
sprinkle of arguments
6 cups of conversation
Directions:
Have a bowl ready when starting to make a relationship. Gently pour the 6 cups of conversation into the bowl. Let the conversation settle for a week, or as long as it takes to settle just right. Add the 2 cups of friendship with the 4 cups of humor, pour them at the same time so it mixes well. Stir gently the 3 ingredients till there are no clumps. Pour the 2 cups of gentleness in the bowl, let it spread over the mix. Once the gentleness has spread, add the 1 cup of dedication. Once the dedication is mixed, add the honesty and the passion. 1/2 cup of forgiveness, tears, and arguments, because everyone needs a fight or two. Roll out the batch on hugs and smiles, then bake. To decorate the relationship, frost it with 'I love you's' & 'I care about you's'

Totally Opposite??

I was left speechless,
Unable to breathe,
Though my heart was still beating,
It was him.
Why did he do this to me?
I was told it was bound to happen.
The side effects would soon start.
First the bedevilment,
it tortured me with all it's power.
Second, bugs got inside me,
fluttering until they couldn't anymore.
Some say they will never stop fluttering.
Thirdly, his hand grabbed me,
he claimed me as his.
The sound of his inharmonious voice,
has my ears tarnished.
Again the question comes to me,
Why did he do this to me?
When he touches my cheek,
all you see is searing marks left behind.
I have been left disserved and still,
numb to the days with him, my life.
Everyone sees him as the general type,
daily routine.
They don't see what I see,
My outlook: bitter, black, hurtful, and resentful.
How could i admire someone?
Someone who has caused me such unbearable pain?
Why did he do this to me?
I guess i have to recognize what's wrong,
not with him, but me...
I'm in love with him

Thursday, March 12, 2009

A Built Easily Lovable Guy** Mr. Bumble Bee

I grew up with a mom who loved sports, Softball was a sport she played every summer. One of her softball friends had a son around my age, he was even my very own classmate, Abel. I barely remember him in my childhood, only bits and pieces I can't forget or have been told to me by my mom. Apparently my mom told me back in elementary school, during halloween; my class had a party. At this time he had a crush on me, friends of his were trying to get him to come sit with me or talk to me, but he shyed away and hid under his little desk in his little bumble bee costume. My mom remembers his little feet poking out from under his desk while he tried to hide. As years went by I barely even noticed him; sad to say, until 7th grade.
It was Mrs. Swillings class; she was an english teacher, Abel and I had her same class that period. Mrs. Swilling was around 50 years of age, the skin on her arms were no longer held in place; sagging was the way to describe them. She embaced her arms and loved making us laugh by waving her arms and calling them her "wings." He remembers that just as well as I do, including the fart machine memory.
Every I'd come home and tell my mom how my day went, I told her practically everything. When I would start telling my mom about boys, she would immediately interupt and remind me there were only three boys I can only date. Trevor and Taylor were also sons of a softball mom; Trevor was too into himself and young, Taylor was not my idea of a boy I wanted to be with. Then there was Abel; smart, funny, kind, and indeed a great friend. My mom knew out of the three I only liked Abel, so she'd mainly push me to talk to him.
After the first month and a half together in that class, he started liking me. Then one day after school he got the courage to ask me that one question. As soon as the school bell rang I headed out to the buses, that is when I heard him call my name. "Oh no I can't believe I'm doing this" look was on his face, then he went with his plan and asked "Do you want to go out with me?" All of a sudden I had no clue of what to say, sadly I said "no, there is this other guy," I completely flat out lied to him. I regret lying to him and possibly hurting him, I liked him but I don't believe I was ready to even have a boyfriend. The next day was awkward, Abel had acted like yesterday never happened. That year of schol he never bothered to ask me out again.
8th grade was a new start, I lived in a new house; right in Abel's neighborhood. I would jokingly tease him to walk me home on occasion, and he'd alway reply, "After practice." Junior high was coming to an end, Abel and I had gotten voted as Most Nicest Kids in School, a great way to end the school year.
High school had seemed to have passed pretty quick, It wasn't till our senior year till we became close friends. He had a girlfriend, being so close is what made her cause him to not talk to me. It took him only one day to not talk to me, that next day he didn't care what his girlfriend said. Everytime she came through the doors we acted as if we were not even talking, we were great friends and we were not going to let her ruin our friendship. That whole semester went by with laughs and amazing memories, and we happily graduated with those moments.
I regret not giving him a chance, but also happy that I still had a good friend that brought me joy to my life and everytime I see him, those memories come back fresh as if no time has passed. I'll always remember my friend the Bumble Bee.