Yours

 I use to feel like yours

tangled in you

kisses here, kisses there

fingers touching every piece of you

I use to feel like yours

songs in my ear

heartbeats in sync

humming my name

I use to feel like yours

sleeping separately

no longer talking

running out of every room you enter

I use to feel like yours

listening to you breath in your sleep

I lay awake screaming, hoping you can hear me

my heart is hurting.

I use to feel like yours

I don't feel like yours

do you want me to be yours?

I Stay

As I screamed to the world and friends how much I loved him.
I got nothing in return.
I Stay.
A cold rush of wind blew threw my hair.
Chills blanketed my arms.
But as I said "I Love You"
I heard nothing but the echo of my own words bounce back at me.
He did nothing but smile.
As if he had won a game and I was the one who lost.
He never told anyone about our love.
Laughed with others but never mentioned me,
especially being that I was standing next to him.
He breaks my heart,
but never cares; he probably likes watching it fall to pieces.
I stay.
That's practically all I can say right now, "I Stay"

I want to be loved privately and publicly.
He can kiss me,
Touch me,
but never loves me.
I'm hopeless.
"Don't say I never tried."
I Stay.

You Let Me Go

I have held my head up high for half the year.
I smiled and brushed it off as if it was dirt on my hands.
Changed the subject as if it was boring me.
Left the room to brush my hair only to avoid conversation.

They told me a story and it was relating to you.
They asked why did it end?
My brother looks at me as if to see if I'm okay with answering these nonsensical questions.
He knows these stories and questions tug on my heart strings.

Then they say "oh yeah, he can't talk to you"

As I said, my head has been held high for half the year,
but they're waiting for it to fall.
They're waiting for the blob of tears to crash out.

"No, I just let him go"

That's all I came up with.
I didn't fight to be with him.
He didn't fight to be with me.

We had a story and it ended,
Truth is he let me go because he lost a fight.

Story Teller

She told her about the ups and downs in her life. Told her about the one who broke her heart but said sorry. She then told her about the one that she lost; all from jealousy. So far there were no ups in her life. With her voice shaking she then began telling her of the one who steals her confidence, youth, and beauty.

He lives in the place she calls home. He stares at her from behind as if she cannot see or feel his eyes lingering on her skin. He pretends to joke, when really he touches for his own pleasure. While he is hovering over her body, she pushes and fights for her life. No one notices, she don’t say a thing because who would believe her. She told her guardian, her protector, but instead they brushed it of as a joke. So while she locks herself in the bathroom, she looks in the mirror and wonders what is triggering his behavior. Why does his wife not notice? Is she not pleasing him enough?

She covers herself in two t-shirts, a sweatshirt, and baggy sweats. Stays hidden in her bed, never going upstairs to the light, because that is where he lingers. He lives in the place she calls home. She want’s so much to escape but instead traps herself in the place he also calls home.

As she finished telling her story; she who was listening, hugs her.  

Keeping it Together

He didn’t say “stay away.”

He didn’t say “we can’t be friends.”

He didn’t say “It’s over.”

But then again they were all things she had heard before.
Not from him but from someone who meant a lot to her as well.
She didn’t cry this time,
Instead she just walked away from this.
She pulled herself out before she could get hurt again,
Tear stained pillow cases,
And tissues overflowing the trash can,
Was not something she wanted to see again.
He let her talk but after that he stood there quiet.
She was not going to wait for tears to form,
So she left with her heart barely intact.

He became another friend lost.

Friday

Unexpectedly you come in,
one look towards me and then a look to the floor.
Clearing my throat,
but still feeling annoyed.

It wasn't that long ago,
five months to be exact.
Bets going on to see how long you'd last.

"Sorry for being a Douche."

I'm thinking to myself,
let this end,
pray I don't lose myself.

"Ok"

You apologize but that's all I can say,
I let you walk out the door,
maybe feeling confused,
maybe even frustrated.

It wasn't that long ago that you cut me off,
It wasn't that long ago that you broke my heart.
but long enough for me to come to terms that you no longer want me in your life.

I can't jump for joy because you apologized,
but I will jump for joy because finally,
after all this time;
you realized you were a ass for what you did.

Letting you in my life would be a mistake,
and letting you slip away is also a curse.

My Car

It was a pot hole that caused a crack in my windshield, the windshield I look through everyday; rain or shine. The windshield everyone see’s and can notice right when I pass by. They say “Damn! Was that a big pot hole?” I think it’s not that bad, lying to myself.

Bump! That small bump on the road made the chili pop out of the pot and onto my backseat and on the floor. Everyone I come in contact with say’s “what the hell were you doing?” and slowly climb in my car like its a fresh spill. They can smell the chili still like 

it is fresh, I try to cover it up with Febreze; but it’s still there.

Thuk Thuk! pooff! My tank just went empty. No one driving by on this road. I began to travel on foot in search for someone. Looks like everyone deserted me, my best friend did not come to my rescue like he said he would. My father is on a date with his text buddy.

Once You Know Everything

once you know everything, you try to listen to your heart. maybe your heart has too many emotions so you feel its easier to listen to the voice in your head. how can you differ from whats real and whats fiction? listen to a friend? listen to your parents?
a friend; how do you know theyre your real friends? do they listen to you? do they hold you when you cry? do they tell you everything is going to be all right and you can lean on them for support?
a parent; are they really there for you? yeah they gave you life, but do they actually listen to your side, if there is a side? do you listen when they say “dont do this” and “dont do that”?
my friend always said they’d be there for me, be standing by my side. they would be there when i called. all i got was their voicemail. so how do you know if theyre your real friend or just pretend? They have been my friend since elementary school, we even graduated and walked together. my friend has seemed to disappear.
my parent; my mom, said she’ll stand by me no matter what I do. I want to be happy and be a good mom; yes she stood by me. I never wanted to get married, she pushed me into it. I was seperated from my husband, found a friend; someone i could talk to and be happy. Mom said no, your still married. No soon enough she became a hypocrite and began seeing a married man who was her high school love. Before they even started talking he was happily married, they start talking and soon they’re feelings for each other come back. I was happy mom and you took it away; so now I dont give a S*** on what you say your doing it too. I loved you enough to respect you and follow your guidance but im a big girl now, and now im not supporting your happiness with this guy.
on the other hand my “husband” then went to extreme measures, “i’m gonna take away the one thing you cant stand to have taken away from you” My Son.
so once you know how everything goes, what do you do from there? listen to what? because obviously my mind cant seem to wrap around any idea or problem thrown at me. My heart is being confusing. I no longer can trust my friend or parent.
so what do i do when all goes wrong? the only answer i give to you is: Being the best mom I can be