Summer Lake

She stood across from me,
Her dress trailed behind her as she walked around giving and receiving hugs.
I stood there watching her as she danced through the crowd,
Looking like the girl from the ‘Couture La La’ commercial; but natural.

She smiled and glanced towards me,
at that moment I was reminded of that week we spent here at the lake.
The week that made us inseparable,
we created our story about that week.

I dream of that week,
imagining your hair brushing against my cheek;
I miss you grabbing my hand to impress my with your palm reading.

I remember our little debates we used to have,
you believed in mermaids and fairy tales.
While on the other hand I believed in good swimmers and science.

I began to slip back into reality when I no longer see you in sight.
You must have left the party,
everyone is still enjoying themselves and I start to wonder why I'm still here.
No longer feeling the need to stay I walk back to my car.

That girl that was happy and confident
was now walking along the lake lost in thought.
Your hair was no longer up, but now
flowing down your back.
No longer in heels; now barefoot.

Dipping your toes in the water,
and finally letting out a smile.
I decided  I wasn't going to let this moment pass me by.

As I walked over,
I thought of different ways this would turn out.
You smiled and grabbed my hand,
by now it didn't matter how it would turn out; I was happy I was here with you.

We sat in under the tree,
it had our initials engraved in it;
soon everyone was leaving the party.
You grabbed your heels and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

For that quick moment I felt your hair brush against my face.
Soon all I saw was your tail lights.
You left me with another memory,
Till the next time I see you.

He Says:

I’ll ask to see your face, he’ll say “No”. I’ll say “Ok” and smile big, cry quietly.
I’ll ask to say “Good Bye”, he’ll say “No”. Wonder why? I just wanted to see you one last time.
I’ll ask if he’s mad, he’ll say “No”. I knew it was a bad idea, but I didn’t go and he was glad.
I’ll sit there watching a show, he’ll soon say “Go”. I’ll say “No”, he already knows.
I wanted to see your face, he said “No”. But now he’s saying “Go”; but I just wont go!

All Points to You

My heart is pounding, starts to cause me pain. “someone is breaking my heart.” No, someone already broke my heart; it was you. It beats every time your near, like a warning sign urging me to take cover. I duck, I run, I do anything to stay hidden from your sight, your watch. Hiding behind the tree we had our first kiss, I sit on the grass and cover my eyes. My heart slows down two beats as I get up to walk down to the trail we always walked.

Your hand held my hand, caressed my face, wiped my tears away; so many things you were good at. I loved it even more when you always looked into my eyes.

I walked to the end of the trail where we sat to watch the river flow over the smooth stones. I always come here to say goodbye to the person I use to love. How can it be goodbye when today I’m here saying goodbye again. You broke my heart, not gonna pour out any details; its pain and simple. I still say I love you, not to your face, not to your friends or mine; but to the memories I carry in my back pocket.

No warning, no thump or beat, just you; kneeling behind me at my feet. My heart gave a jump as you spoke “you are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers ‘round my thumb, and hold me tight, you’ll be alright” words I always sang to you while you slept in my arms. Still my mind was telling me to run, my heart was saying one chance. Words started pouring out flowing through my ears, around my heart. Tears began to hit the ground, the rain started to mix in with our emotions. “I should have stopped you from walking out the door” I was in your arms. You caressed my face once again to see the look in my eyes.

“I’m sorry” we huddled under a tree as the rain slowly gave up, held each other tight as if the moment would end; not wanting it to slip away. With one look into ours eyes the moment gave a kiss.

No Longer

I choose him instead of us, I walked away with tears in my eyes; falling from my face. I looked in my rear view mirror and caught a glimpse of you kicking the dirt and dropping to your feet. Turning off the radio because our song was playing, now all I heard was the gravel flying from under my tires escaping our secret place. I thought to myself how did I let it get this far, I thought that this could happen. I was ready to take a chance and jump on this train with you.
I ended up letting him scare me away from you, I let him control my decision. So im in this relationship, kisses and hugs, but no trust. I’ll no longer feel your lips on my shoulder or the back of my hand. No longer smell your natural scent of you while you sleep. No longer feel you laying on my back as you watch tv with me. I’ll no longer see your light brown rays in your eyes as you stare at me. Instead I’ll be sleeping by his side and dream of what we used to be.

We Should've Known

i should've known
already belonging to someone
a family already made
future plans already set

home and work should've been separate
lunch should have stayed as lunch
texting should have never happened

i see it all now that your gone
i should've known

you treated me right
some called it a game
but i was trapped

i should've known
but also,
you should've known

Now

I looked in your eyes
I felt your touch
I listened to your voice
All things in use to love

I looked in your eyes
I no longer see me in them

I felt your touch
but I no longer feel at home in your arms

I listened to your voice
it was no longer music to my ears

all things i use to love
are all now just memories
I have them with me everyday
but i no longer miss them

some days I want to see your face
then I forget why I wanted to

I'm strong enough to let you go

All I know is we were a beautiful mistake

Believe

Remember that day we sat together? No talking, just us breathing and letting out small sighs. Until I grabbed your hand, you gave me a louder sigh and the cold shoulder. I held your hand for the longest moment, hoping in return you’d find it in your heart to forgive me. You loved me so much, and I loved you too. I’m Married. We were close, shared our secrets with each other. Dont know what each of us would do without each other. “I love you.” I heard those words slip from your lips and ring in my ears. Those three little words had a heavy meaning. “I always will.” Then these words fell from your lips. All the feelings between us changed, we could never be an us; Ever. We never told each other how we really felt for each other, you never judged the person that came into my life temporarily; neither did I. You left me sitting there, I watched you get into your car and drive away. You didnt think this relationship was that serious, well neither did I. Waited for you too long, and soon fell in love with HIM. Soon the tail lights were no longer in sight..

You Again

I saw your face today
cant say I didn't miss it
missed it so much I had to look away
I hid in the back so I didn't have the urge to look into your eyes
so I wouldn't fall back in love with you
letting you go to get my family back
I have my family
though your still in my heart
in my head
in my mind
I saw your face today
All I can say is I miss you

Bear

Im listening to this song
its been playing over and over in my head
in my head for a couple of weeks now

simply reminding me of the weeks
of the days when I was yours

Laying my head on your chest
listening to your heart pound my name
tracing your tattoos with my fingertips
Bear Paws.

I love the home I made in your arms,
it felt just right belonging there
every kiss, eager for our lips to touch
a kiss on my neck
leads to a kisses trailing down to my stomach

not being able to say "no"
felt so good at that moment
pulling me closer to you
not want wanting to let go

I laid with you that night
listening to the cars drive by on the wet pavement
listening to the rain fall down the gutters
not wanting this night to end

I'm listening to this song play over and over
and it was only those short weeks I was yours
I remind myself to continue with my day
and tonight fall asleep with you
not knowing your in my dreams.

You

I seen you yesterday, just a wave with empty words.
On my side I had a rush of feelings,
"i miss you" "i hate you" "i want to see you"
I wanted to know what you were feeling,
if you felt the same way, if you moved on.
I could tell you I miss you, I still think I love you,
but those words would both do us no good.
I want you to believe me when I tell you
"it's not easy forgetting someone like you, and that I still care about you"
but really what would it seriously do for us?
make it harder?
that's why I rather you not believe anything I have to say
When you tell me you miss me too, and that you love me,
I force myself to not believe a word you say,
but deep in my heart I want to believe you and reach out to you.
I miss every look you gave me,
the look when you try to make me laugh,
the pouting look so I can give in to you,
but the serious look is the one I love so much;
the gaze in your eye and the tone in your voice,
I fall more and more in love with you.
I love your smile when you talk about your friends
and laugh about the crazy stuff you guys went through.
But the smile I love the most is the one
when we planned about the things we would do
the same smile you gave when you use to hug me.
So everyday I hope and pray I can have a day without
the want for you.

The Bet

The Bet

it started off with a day. then along came a "bet." i was having problems at home, and i was comforted by a friend. everyone judged, but when it was us; everything drifted away.
hours of lunch getting acquainted, became a day of spending time with each other. "shooting the shit" with you was always something new and exciting. remembering the first touch; teasing me because i jerked away, but that day together became easy to hold your hand. while things at home were still a problem, i made myself at home in your arms and felt joy with your kisses. curious but a chance to get away from my problems i stayed the night in your arms. what i remember most is the look on your face you gave me when you showed me your home. happy but nervous; hoping i wouldn't just take off. i was able to just sit and relax with no arguments, it was just us being there together that freed me from him. microwave pizza and water is another thing i remember, you happily served me.
when you smile i memorize every single line and curve, the same way i memorize your laugh like a song. soon it came to the point where we could no longer be together and it has been a while since i seen you. flash backs of the talks that we had, such as "give me my pickle back" "i've fallen for you" and "I think i love you" i've been missing you since you have been gone, and now that were just friends it makes it harder to hide the memories of us. I never would have thought i could care about someone so deep and so quick, but my heart went for it.
Even if we were to stay just friends or acquaintances i know one thing is sure, don't regret a single kiss, hug, or caress. When you think of me i hope you think good things and the day we spent by the river, that is what i'll be thinking when i think of you.

I'll Miss You

Continued..

That Night

I thought about that night. Movie and a make out. Soon bodies touching and pressing against each other, your hand grabbing my thigh and pulling me closer. Biting my lip, tracing kisses down my neck; I could feel how excited you were. The tv yelling “tough down” Friday Night Lights playing in the back ground. Suddenly hesitation, you pull back stopping; it was only a movie and a make out. “You hungry?” Only for kisses I thought. Smiles across my face, it was an adrenaline rush. He no longer held back his body was slammed against mine, lips thrown all on my body. His kisses alone sent me to the highest state I’ve ever been, his bed sheets were black, gray, and white. Closet was organized, shoes set properly, his ball caps hung on the wall like pictures, while his laundry was piled into a big mountain on the floor. He slid my hands over my head and held onto my wrists, kisses were trailing lower and lower; he was already excited. I pulled his gaze to meet mine, all of a sudden the need for each other turned into “want.” I want to feel him, I want to be with him. I want him to love me.

Viva Las Vegas

My birthday was in a couple days, I believe I was turning ten. My Mom decided to celebrate my birthday in Las Vegas, Nevada; My Uncle T and My Auntie Cc were going to show us around since thier family lived there. When we arrived to Las Vegas the sun was barely rising, it took the whole days trip to get here and we were exhausted. My Auntie Cc's family is Philipino; so for breakfast we ate rice, rice, and more rice, that was our meal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I loved chinese food but of couse it wasn't the same, so for the whole week of being there all I ate was plain white rice.
Chad is my Auntie Cc's nephew, he was with us when we went touring Las Vegas. My auntie started teasing us saying we look cute together, she even has a story about us. Claiming we were under the blankets eating rice on the couch. Why were we eating under the blanket? It still surprises me on how could this story be true.
Six years later, we decided to visit Las Vegas again, we were aged and we have changed. Chad no longer was the little boy with the little voice, I was no longer the girl he might have remembered me as. My little cousin always wanted us together, playing match maker whenever she can, trying to get us alone or so we could spend time with each other. Chad lived in a nice house with surrounding look-a-like houses, also his neighbor hood had a pool house. I played in the pool with my little cousin teaching her how to swim and just to spend time with her. My mom and auntie also tried their best to push us together. They tried to make him bring me my towel, make us take pictures together, they even had him walk me back to his house. It was both awkward between us so it was just a silent walk back to his house. It was our last night in Las Vegas, we were going to the strip one last time; Chad was not able to go with us, but the look on his face was a look like he wanted to go.
A year later it was his turn, His turn to come visit Colorado. Beardance and the high school graduation were the main events going on that weekend. I invited Chad to graduation, my friends were graduating and I was being kind. Sadly it was kind of boring I barely enjoyed it, so I imagined he hated it.
During the graduation parties he would text me and say, "what are we doing after this?" "what do you want to do after this?" "We should go do something" After my mom left the house to give me and his some privacy, he decided to kiss me. A kiss was all expected, kissing more than once was not what i planned for. To me all that played in my mind was "I can't believe this is happening," so I guess that was a clue that this was not going to work, we were never going to be bf/gf. Another thing was I believed he only used me, the feeling I never wanted to feel, it seemed he wanted to see what it felt like to kiss me or even see if he can get simething out of me. As soon as my mom came home, I took him straight to my uncles moms house, I left immediately with just a mark of USED slapped on my lips.
That weekend was not what I expected, I don't ever want to experience that again. After they left; news about him having a girlfriend surfaced, but it didn't shock me till I found out her name. The name was mine: Taylor.