Merman

Have you ever had that thought?

Thinking and possibly giving in to what your thinking.

I've had that thought where I imagined myself with this guy, wondering how it would end up.

Would I be having the time of my life and maybe fall in love.

Would we end up as just friends or enemies? 

When I met him at first those thoughts never occurred to me. I was a shy art student who paid more attention to my school work then anything else. I didn't know much about him, was he smart? trouble? kind?

He was a senior, I was a sophomore. We were just class mates that had a  swim class together.

After the first couple weeks of getting to know each other and others of the class, we all became friends. Honestly class would be both boring and fun, we all looked forward to the last fifteen minutes of class, where we'd all hang out at the deep end of the pool. There were times when we'd all compete against each other, until our two friends became a couple. Soon the deep end was a place where me and him could be found splashing around. He'd show off his sinkable talent while I had none in me. I began to notice I liked this guy. He was funny, kind, and had a smile that made me shy away from his gaze.

As the semester was ending so was his high school years, he had decided to fast track and graduate early. Sadly we didn't see much of each other, but it wasn't long till he came to visit the school, or I guess you can say; his girlfriend. Jealousy was not a feeling I had felt before, at least not over a guy. He shows up to the school walking down the hall towards me and says hi, walks past me and hugs his girlfriend. I felt kind of bad because I really liked him, but luckily for me it seemed to not have lasted that long. A couple days before graduation; friends of ours set up a plan to meet up at the pool. He had been texting me before this date and I was happy when I would receive text messages; but now I'd be able to hang out with him for this one day. My heart started to race as the time to meet up came closer. I wanted to be myself but for some reason I couldn't. Many times before he had seen me in my bathing suit, now all I wanted to do was cover up. As the "get together" ended, my heart started to sink; nothing happened, we were still just friends. It didn't help that even when were hanging out, I just felt like a kid, still juvenile; it was making things clear we would only be friends.

Graduation approached, it was my last chance. My last chance to tell him all the feeling I have been feeling for him, that I would like him to know if we never see each other again, if he moves or goes to college. "I think I might like you more than a friend" something such as this crossed my mind, how would I tell him I want to be his. Rejection had also crossed my mind, had me thinking about backing out and leaving these thing unsaid. Telling him is the only chance I have if I want to know if he feels the same way.
Graduates could be found on the front lawn of the school, I was making my way out to say good luck to all my friends who have graduated. He was the first friend I wanted to see, and there he was. I was standing by our school's mascot statue, searching for him. He walked towards me, everything seemed to stop. Everyone seemed to blur and it was just us, then he hugged me. It was like being in one of the Disney movies, time stops, hair is flying in the air perfectly, in his arms for what felt longer than 30 seconds; he was my Disney movie. It was my turn to say something, but the words never came out, never came to his attention. He don't know how I felt at the time, but I always remember my fun exciting time of the first semester of my sophomore year.
He was my friend, I'll never forget the hug or the joy that he brought to me. I will never forget him, or his black hat and tshirt that I remember him wearing. I'm his native mermaid; as he says, and he is My Merman.

My First White Boy

Spanish Class was an interesting class, after making a new friend and him leaving I began to notice I had a friend liking me. My type has always been the bad boy with the baggy jeans and fitted cap with a basketball, but this time it was Josh; DC's, skateboards, and a football. I knew from that point, he changed my view of how I picked out the guys I would date. Josh was light skinned, blonde hair, and beautiful hazel eyes.

He was funny, he was able to make me laugh and that is when I knew I adored him. At first he teased his friend; Ethan and I, thinking we liked each other, when honestly me and Ethan were just friends. It may have just been “Boy Code”for I like you, I’m Flirting with You. One thing that stood out was the way he laughed, it wasn't the sound of his laugh it was his actions. Every time he'd chuckle, he'd flip his bangs and I would catch a glimpse of those hazel eyes. Josh had little messages here and there, of course they were in short supply "I missed you... not just kidding, I didn’t have anyone to bug in class so you better be here in class tomorrow." Josh was always so cocky, flashing his smile and flipping his bangs trying his best to always make me smile and have a good time. "I got something to tell you, but tell me your number and I'll text it to you" He did not know how to be discrete, but I did love seeing him try.

One thing I knew for certain about him was that he had a girlfriend, which was a big reason I never thought of pursuing him. I like the conversations we would have, even his "once in a while text's." Then one day he told me his girlfriend and him were no longer together, "she knew i was crazy about you" I didn't know how to take this news so I let him have his space for a while. I kept our relationship as friends; he wanted more, more than I was willing to give. His friends knew he was crazy for me, as well as his mom; she'd invite me to come watch his wrestling matches and football games. Soon the phase was about to pass, He found the girl who was able to be with him. I was upset for a while, but why should I? I never wanted us to be in a relationship, though I saw myself with him. Though we texted each other every night before bed. I miss you was used a couple times, but probably never meant. Josh did change my view on guys and to know attraction comes at un-expecting times. My attraction to him taught me many things, it even taught me; when the person cares about you enough they will wait.

Viva Las Vegas

My birthday was in a couple days, I believe I was turning ten. My Mom decided to celebrate my birthday in Las Vegas, Nevada; My Uncle T and My Auntie Cc were going to show us around since thier family lived there. When we arrived to Las Vegas the sun was barely rising, it took the whole days trip to get here and we were exhausted. My Auntie Cc's family is Philipino; so for breakfast we ate rice, rice, and more rice, that was our meal for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I loved chinese food but of couse it wasn't the same, so for the whole week of being there all I ate was plain white rice.
Chad is my Auntie Cc's nephew, he was with us when we went touring Las Vegas. My auntie started teasing us saying we look cute together, she even has a story about us. Claiming we were under the blankets eating rice on the couch. Why were we eating under the blanket? It still surprises me on how could this story be true.
Six years later, we decided to visit Las Vegas again, we were aged and we have changed. Chad no longer was the little boy with the little voice, I was no longer the girl he might have remembered me as. My little cousin always wanted us together, playing match maker whenever she can, trying to get us alone or so we could spend time with each other. Chad lived in a nice house with surrounding look-a-like houses, also his neighbor hood had a pool house. I played in the pool with my little cousin teaching her how to swim and just to spend time with her. My mom and auntie also tried their best to push us together. They tried to make him bring me my towel, make us take pictures together, they even had him walk me back to his house. It was both awkward between us so it was just a silent walk back to his house. It was our last night in Las Vegas, we were going to the strip one last time; Chad was not able to go with us, but the look on his face was a look like he wanted to go.
A year later it was his turn, His turn to come visit Colorado. Beardance and the high school graduation were the main events going on that weekend. I invited Chad to graduation, my friends were graduating and I was being kind. Sadly it was kind of boring I barely enjoyed it, so I imagined he hated it.
During the graduation parties he would text me and say, "what are we doing after this?" "what do you want to do after this?" "We should go do something" After my mom left the house to give me and his some privacy, he decided to kiss me. A kiss was all expected, kissing more than once was not what i planned for. To me all that played in my mind was "I can't believe this is happening," so I guess that was a clue that this was not going to work, we were never going to be bf/gf. Another thing was I believed he only used me, the feeling I never wanted to feel, it seemed he wanted to see what it felt like to kiss me or even see if he can get simething out of me. As soon as my mom came home, I took him straight to my uncles moms house, I left immediately with just a mark of USED slapped on my lips.
That weekend was not what I expected, I don't ever want to experience that again. After they left; news about him having a girlfriend surfaced, but it didn't shock me till I found out her name. The name was mine: Taylor.

Missing Him

It felt great to feel that spark,
It was a feeling that had changed my life for the very first time.
I didn't know what it would feel like?
Would it hurt? Would it scare me? Would I run away from it?
I simply had to let go of my emotions and see what the deal was.
When I let go of everything, I could feel it, that tingle inside me.
Friends thought I was crazy for falling for a guy that was....
What would you call it?
The only way that I could describe him is not their idea of someone I would like.
Some thought it was cute.
Every time I'd walk the halls or classrooms, I'd catch him looking at me.
The way he looked at me let me know he liked me.
Especially in class, everyone could see it.
They'd smile, tease, or laugh.
The Halls would be filled with Ooo's and Ahhh's.
All I could do was smile, I'd get butterflies that would flutter and flutter, they would never stop.
There were things he'd do that would have me smiling.
Like the way he flips his hair, the way his smile would reveal his dimples.
His eyes would change colors in the light from Blue to Green to Hazel, and to even Light Brown.
His laugh, not like many I’ve heard before or can compare to, it's one of a kind.
I have a good memory; you can't forget a crush like this.
It has been a while since I have experienced this feeling, and what I found out is that it does hurt and it can be scary.
I sometimes end up running away from it, not wanting to get to close.
In the end, all I’ve got to say is that I miss him, I miss him at times and it sucks.