Loving Her is Difficult

 Loving her is difficult.

She married my brother,

has babies and bought a home.

I don't know if I can do that?

Can I make her happy?

She smiles as she walks around the farmers market,

I wonder what shes thinking about.

Is she thinking of my brother?, cooking that meal he loves so much.

When I watch them play,

she cuddles right up to him,

like their love will never end.

She married my brother.

I never see her cry,

she holds everything together as if her life is perfect.

Maybe it is?

Could I have made it perfect?

Loving her is difficult.

She smiles at me but then looks at him.

I cant hold her gaze long enough for her to wonder about us.

She married my brother.

Loving her is difficult.

Blaming Mr. Universe

Word after word, he reread their letters and E-Mails.

He smiles reading her joke she repeated all the time.

She reads the letters and E-Mails too,

Remembers words she wished she never left out.

Timelapse

She thought about herself,
more and more everyday.
It wasn't until the fifth month; her scales began to harden.
Dragon like, no longer the swan she used to be.

No grace and no charm..

He made her that way.

Sex

After they had slept together they laid there,
as soon as he fell asleep; she left.
He had a smile on his face and his hair was a mess.
She could feel him still holding her,
kissing her lips making his way towards her thighs.

She had told him before, this between us will never happen.
That was when he leaned in and gave her their first kiss.
She then said this between us will never work out.
Soon he had her in his bedroom.

That next day she packed her car and pointed on a map that place she plans to be at.
She grabbed her keys and went out the door.

There he was waiting by her car....

6:15pm

She kissed his pillow,
it's been five days since he had last laid there;
and still his scent is fresh.

She can hear knocking on her door,
the neighbors are talking on the other side of the walls;
and yet she still lays there wrapped in her blankets.

Her phone used to ring constantly till it vibrated its way of the bed.
Two weeks has went by and her family began to get more worried.
The apartment manager knocks and opens the door.

He walked into the smell of rotten food,
mail, pictures, and clothes sprawled on the floor.
He got to the living room,
her bedroom door was wide open.

She had tears staining her cheeks,
fingers and toes cold,
the window was open and birds lounged on the window sill.

He approached her quietly,
she look as is she hadn't moved from her bed.
As he looked at her all he could see was beauty.

He fell in love with this girl who was wearing a mens jacket.
He looked around and noticed it was nothing but mens clothes on the floor,
photos of a man everywhere.
On her dresser was a note.

He husband recently passed away.
As she laided there, he waited.
Waiting for her to wake up, and join the world that stole her husband away.

And maybe, just maybe;
he can help her.

He

He made himself the victim. He said it over and over, and soon he believed it completely. Then he told others about his tragic love story.

Love.

It was a major issue between him and her. He loved her for 17 years. Though he loved her, he still kissed companions night after night. Though he loved her, he slept with companions week after

week.

He tried numbing his pain, forgetting love, and fought back his attraction to the girl he dreamed about.

Though he loved her, he made her cry. Though he loved her, he pushed her away.

Love was never easy. He loved others, but not the way he loved her. Ex’s & Next’s always knew they could never compare to this girl. He held her higher that the girl that dared to fall in love with him.

Though he loved her, he broke her heart. Though he loved her, he never spoke to her.

 

Though he hurt her, she loved him.

Story Teller

She told her about the ups and downs in her life. Told her about the one who broke her heart but said sorry. She then told her about the one that she lost; all from jealousy. So far there were no ups in her life. With her voice shaking she then began telling her of the one who steals her confidence, youth, and beauty.

He lives in the place she calls home. He stares at her from behind as if she cannot see or feel his eyes lingering on her skin. He pretends to joke, when really he touches for his own pleasure. While he is hovering over her body, she pushes and fights for her life. No one notices, she don’t say a thing because who would believe her. She told her guardian, her protector, but instead they brushed it of as a joke. So while she locks herself in the bathroom, she looks in the mirror and wonders what is triggering his behavior. Why does his wife not notice? Is she not pleasing him enough?

She covers herself in two t-shirts, a sweatshirt, and baggy sweats. Stays hidden in her bed, never going upstairs to the light, because that is where he lingers. He lives in the place she calls home. She want’s so much to escape but instead traps herself in the place he also calls home.

As she finished telling her story; she who was listening, hugs her.  

Her Child

She flips her hair to one side.
Bites her pencils as she thinks about what to write.
Her child watches her, curiously.
Her journal is starting to fall apart,
has paint on the cover;
Especially little doodles from her child.
Together they hide her journal, almost as if it is a game.

When she's alone she lays in her bed,
imagining what her day should be like.
But it isnt long till her child joins her,
Creating dragons and princes to save them.
She lays diagonally under three layers of heavy, soft blankets.
She don't need her pillow, she has him to hold;
Soon he'll kick the blankets off.

Day to day she watches her child play.
Jumping off the stairs to jumping on her bed.
He plays with her hair,
Weaving it through his tiny hands.
He laughs as he tickles her face,
Lovingly says i love you mom.

Though her world is plain,
Her life is full.
She creates their world,
And it begins as soon as she says "once upon a time..."

Chess

She lost at her game of chess,
the game they played everyday at the park.
He taught her the game,
never let her win,
so she played hard.

This time when she looked at the winner,
he had her best friend in his arms.
Long blonde hair
and legs that went on for days.

Comparing her self.
She was short,
as was her hair.

Her now "ex" best friend was kissing his cheek,
he was holding her close; smiling.
She lost at her game of chess,
now all she could do was walk away.

He broke her heart,
she hated him for that,
but she hated her self for still wanting him.
She loved him.

J.

They tell her to be quiet.

Before she can speak,
they know what she wants to rant on about.
They know that when she sits there quietly,
she thinks of her.

She begins to say "I.."
"We Know!" they say.
How can she not mention her?
Why don't they understand?

When she goes to sleep,
she dreams.
Dreams about the days when they were inseperable.

When she says her name,
the words "I miss you" follow right behind.

Thinking about the last time she saw her,
there was flowers blooming,
the scent of the grass,
and the sound of deer snacking in the park.
But now there is snow on the ground.

If only she could see her face,
maybe it would be enough to last the winter she has ahead of her.

They tell her to be quiet.
All she wants to say is;
"I miss her..."

Cristina

She told her to not give up,
as much as she wanted to wipe her hands clean,
take the weight off her shoulders;
she pushed through the pain.
Her legs shaking but not breaking.
It was her mothers voice in her head that kept her going,
She could visualize her mom jumping for joy,
proudly saying "thats my baby!"
It was a competition; her vs. the world.
As she pushes through the pain and her tears,
it wasn't until the last shove that she was able to breathe.
Cristina did it.
Walked away with her honor and her grace.

Singing Her Heart Out

She brushed her tears from her face,
fixed her hair,
and then put her lipstick on.

Went back out on stage,
began to sing.
Acting as if she was never crying,
hidding the fact that he was leaving her.

It wasn't till her last act that she let go,
she sang and tears began to well in her eyes.

When the crowd began to sing,
she then could feel her own pain vibrating off of them.

She stayed till the lights on the stage went out,
carried her shoes,
and grabbed the last of her bags.

The rain trickled down the car windows,
and the train pass by in the background.
Soon her taxi pulled up,
splashing her dress.

It was when she got in the taxi
she promised herself to take it one day at a time.
She got out,
dusted off her grief,
and went inside.

Closed her eyes;
prayed for a good nights rest.

Finding Dimytree

Emry was no longer the same,
his words were stolen from his vocabulary,
and his strength was ripped from him.

He still stands in the same spot.
The very spot where he rescued a little girl;
whom he fell in love with,
Sonny.

Sonny was lost in the ocean,
trapped inside the belly of the Horned Shark.
Emry believed she was forever lost.
Lost like Dimytree; Irene's Love.

Sonny found Dimytree;
badly wounded, surviving off of fish in the Horned Sharks' belly.
She had a scratch and a missing shoe.

They talked about the ones they loved,
wish to be back home,
instead they sit there waiting for their chance to escape.

Emry's Heartache

When Emry lost Sonny,
he stopped growing.
Sonny disappeared into the belly of the Horned Shark.
He warned her about swimming with the mermaids,
told her to stay close to the shore;
but she wondered off with Irene.

Irene was in love with Dimytree.
Two months ago Dimytree was attacked,
all Irene found was his necklace and a cracked horn.
She knew it meant only one thing;
The Horned Shark.

Emry started losing his leaves,
no leaves starting fresh,
his branches breaking as the wind raced passed him.
He stood by the ocean; day by day,
hoping for Sonny to come swimming out of the tides.

The day that Irene came back alone,
he knew something happened.
Irene had that same look when she lost Dimytree.

Emry now felt how Irene did.
He no longer could cradle or carry Sonny to home,
or brush the leaves and twigs from her face.

He was beginning to tell her how he felt,
contemplating how he should tell her.
Would she love a tree?
It would never work.

Heartache overcame Emry and the forrest he once roamed with Sonny.
Soon he was not able to travel far,
he set his mind to wait where he first met her,
in hopes she will come home.

Sonny's World

Sonny is 12,
she has long brown hair,
light brown eyes,
and the color of her skin is like coffee with a dash of cream.

Sonny carries her three books;
horror,
fantasy,
and a photo book.

The photo book contains pictures of her walking through nature.
Leaves,
snow and the rain.

She lives in her own little world,
fighting beasts and dragons.
Learning to fly and swim with the mermaids.

Sonny travels with Emry,
Emry found Sonny when she had lost her way home.
Emry is a tree; tall, orange now that the season has changed,
but still strong enough to protect her.

Emry watched her from afar before they met,
he loved that way her hair flew from her face;
the way she fought off the red dragon
without the help of a prince.

As soon as Sonny lost her way,
he wanted to be the one to guide her.
Sonny had her sword,
cautious about the trees moving, she swung.
That day Emry got a new haircut and a friend.

Everyday Sonny goes out with her books,
sits on his branches; like he's cradling her,
and she reads.

Emry never really liked horror,
if there happens to be a survivor in the end,
he tells Sonny "that's you."

Sonny loves to read the fantasy book,
love stories filled with princes & princesses,
especially living a happily ever after.

As it gets late she falls asleep,
Emry carries her home each night,
taking in her scent and brushing his leaves from her face.

Sonny mumbles goodnight,
and curls up in her bed.
Emry listens to her sleep,
then listens to her mumble "I wish I could be a tree"

Continued...

Abandoned

All she wanted was her mother to tell her she loved her,
instead her mother pushed her out the door.
She watched other mothers walk their children to the school bus,
giving kisses and hugs.

She sat there thinking what happened,
how did it get to this?
Her father never comes home anymore,
stays at work, the bar,
just walks out the door.

She no longer has the happy home,
no more kisses goodnight,
and no more sunday breakfasts.

So as she sitting there,
a lady; she will now call mom,
takes her hand,
leads her to her car.

She don't scream or fight,
but takes one last look at her home,
climbs in the car.
"I love you mommy and daddy."

She is now gone,
celebrating her 7th birthday,
with a lady she now calls mom.

Her & David

They talked online everyday,
it was sunny for her,
it was moonlight for him.

She talked about the birds that sang along with her,
David talked about the stars that danced in the sky.
They lived an ocean apart from each other,
still they had their magical boat that they traveled on in every conversation.

She asked about the moon,
David asked about clouds,
"Can you see the rabbit on the moon?" She asked.
"Are the clouds happy?" David asked.

Every conversation was always new to them.
Nothing ever the same.
She wondered if he dreams about her,
David wondered if she looks at the moon does she think of him?

Early morning before the moon goes down she wakes up and kisses the moon goodnight,
takes every step and every breath, memorizes her feelings.
She watches anything that catches her eye,
so that the next time she talks to him, she can tell him everything.

David touches the last bit of sunlight he has before the moon comes out,
as if he is reaching for the gold.
He counts every shooting star, including the planes that fly by.
Listens to music till he hears the familiar "Beep"

Maybe just maybe they no longer have to be an ocean apart.

Her Angel

In a dream you can be anything you want to be,
achieve the unthinkable and maybe it may come true.
That's what her mother told her ever since she was a little girl.

At three years old she dreamed of flying,
being a princess, and laying in a field of sunflowers.
Ten years olds, she dreamed of being beautiful,
her dad still being by her side, and having her family all in one house again.

She dreamed all these things and still no dream of hers came true.
So 15 years old, one night she talked to her angel in the sky, her dad.
He told her I'm still here,
she wanted so much to see him, he sent a butterfly.

As it fluttered around her, she let out her tears.
Every night she talked to him,
about what her dreams were,
where she wants to be,
and who she wants to be.

She couldn't hear his voice,
she couldn't see his face; except in the picture she held in her hand.
He kissed the top of her head, like he does every day and night;
and she could not feel it.

18 years old she cried one night,
screaming at her angel, asking him why he left;
what was the point?
'I just want a hug you and see your face again, i miss you daddy!'

She screamed so loud and cried so much she soon fell asleep.
No one ever understood why she cries.
They didn't believe in signs.
Signs like #36, butterflies, some country songs, and the way she knew he was there.

After that night,
she felt relieved, happy and calm.
She still felt alone in her world, just because he was missing.
He could see her pain, he then decided to grant her wish.

22 years old, she looks up to the sky and tells her angel,
I wish you were to see your grandson grow up.

He knew his little girl was now happy,
And no longer alone.

Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones

Have you ever been in love?  Horrible isn’t it?  It makes you so vulnerable.  It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.  You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…. You give them a piece of you.  They didn’t ask for it.  They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore.  Love takes hostages.  It gets inside you.  It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.  It hurts.  Not just in the imagination.  Not just in the mind.  It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.  I hate love.

Anonymous

Maybe your first love is the one that sticks with you because it’s the only person who will ever receive all of you. After that, you learn better. But, most of all, no matter what, a piece of you forever remains left behind in the heart of the one you loved - a piece no future lover could ever get, no matter what. That piece holds innocence - the belief that love really can last forever. It holds friendship and pain, trial and error, that one kiss you’ll never forget and that night under the stars you can never get back. It holds youth and everything you thought love would be. Everything that was proven wrong.