Abandoned

All she wanted was her mother to tell her she loved her,
instead her mother pushed her out the door.
She watched other mothers walk their children to the school bus,
giving kisses and hugs.

She sat there thinking what happened,
how did it get to this?
Her father never comes home anymore,
stays at work, the bar,
just walks out the door.

She no longer has the happy home,
no more kisses goodnight,
and no more sunday breakfasts.

So as she sitting there,
a lady; she will now call mom,
takes her hand,
leads her to her car.

She don't scream or fight,
but takes one last look at her home,
climbs in the car.
"I love you mommy and daddy."

She is now gone,
celebrating her 7th birthday,
with a lady she now calls mom.

Know This

She ran around from the swings to the slide,
and back into my arms.
She smiled and pointed at the plane in the sky.

I smiled as she ran around in the grass with her arms spread open,
pretending to be a plane too.
When she laughs; she reminds me of you.
She don't know you're gone,
she don't know you're coming back.

I left you not knowing,
never wanting you to lose your focus.
Crying at night,
because soon I let you go completely; blaming it on the distance and time apart.

I left you wondering why,
you believed it was perfect; it was.
Still I made my decision to let you go and focus on your dreams.
You were fighting to be with me, but I changed my number and moved.

She plays with my hair, and tells me she loves me.
4 years old and still she takes my breath away.
You wanted adventure, and now I look at the pictures of you,
your happy.

If you were here right now,
I'd smile and wish you good things;
and if you were to ask about her, I'd lie and say she's mine.

........................................................................................................................


I'm laying in bed,
wondering why you let me go.
You were all I ever wanted,
My life.

I look up at the stars,
hoping your looking at them too.
Just like that night in November,
taking a drive to the lake.

You would smile at every little everything I said,
Laugh at every joke I told.
Looking back on it all, I'm wondering where I went wrong.

I know you hate the distance,
But I keep assuring you I'll be home.
I've been back in this country for about a year now,
Nothing but the same routine, Guard, Train, Eat, Sleep, and look at photos you sent me.

When I'm in town,
I visit your favorite places; in hope to see you.
Your best friend tells me your doing good,
but she don't tell me where you reside.
Your brother don't talk about you much,
Why did you leave?

I hear nothing but gun shots in the back ground,
my buddies laughing and joking around me.
They tell me to move on,
while one of my best friends tell me to not give up.

I try to fall asleep but I still end up laying here instead.
Do I miss you only?
I get up and check my email hoping to get one from you,
instead its my sister; "She's coming to town in two weeks."

My sister never liked you,
but she hates seeing me this way.
Coincidence you're back when I come back into town.
This time, after four and a half years; I'll hold on tight;
say all that I need to say, I still love you.

Her Angel

In a dream you can be anything you want to be,
achieve the unthinkable and maybe it may come true.
That's what her mother told her ever since she was a little girl.

At three years old she dreamed of flying,
being a princess, and laying in a field of sunflowers.
Ten years olds, she dreamed of being beautiful,
her dad still being by her side, and having her family all in one house again.

She dreamed all these things and still no dream of hers came true.
So 15 years old, one night she talked to her angel in the sky, her dad.
He told her I'm still here,
she wanted so much to see him, he sent a butterfly.

As it fluttered around her, she let out her tears.
Every night she talked to him,
about what her dreams were,
where she wants to be,
and who she wants to be.

She couldn't hear his voice,
she couldn't see his face; except in the picture she held in her hand.
He kissed the top of her head, like he does every day and night;
and she could not feel it.

18 years old she cried one night,
screaming at her angel, asking him why he left;
what was the point?
'I just want a hug you and see your face again, i miss you daddy!'

She screamed so loud and cried so much she soon fell asleep.
No one ever understood why she cries.
They didn't believe in signs.
Signs like #36, butterflies, some country songs, and the way she knew he was there.

After that night,
she felt relieved, happy and calm.
She still felt alone in her world, just because he was missing.
He could see her pain, he then decided to grant her wish.

22 years old, she looks up to the sky and tells her angel,
I wish you were to see your grandson grow up.

He knew his little girl was now happy,
And no longer alone.

Once You Know Everything

once you know everything, you try to listen to your heart. maybe your heart has too many emotions so you feel its easier to listen to the voice in your head. how can you differ from whats real and whats fiction? listen to a friend? listen to your parents?
a friend; how do you know theyre your real friends? do they listen to you? do they hold you when you cry? do they tell you everything is going to be all right and you can lean on them for support?
a parent; are they really there for you? yeah they gave you life, but do they actually listen to your side, if there is a side? do you listen when they say “dont do this” and “dont do that”?
my friend always said they’d be there for me, be standing by my side. they would be there when i called. all i got was their voicemail. so how do you know if theyre your real friend or just pretend? They have been my friend since elementary school, we even graduated and walked together. my friend has seemed to disappear.
my parent; my mom, said she’ll stand by me no matter what I do. I want to be happy and be a good mom; yes she stood by me. I never wanted to get married, she pushed me into it. I was seperated from my husband, found a friend; someone i could talk to and be happy. Mom said no, your still married. No soon enough she became a hypocrite and began seeing a married man who was her high school love. Before they even started talking he was happily married, they start talking and soon they’re feelings for each other come back. I was happy mom and you took it away; so now I dont give a S*** on what you say your doing it too. I loved you enough to respect you and follow your guidance but im a big girl now, and now im not supporting your happiness with this guy.
on the other hand my “husband” then went to extreme measures, “i’m gonna take away the one thing you cant stand to have taken away from you” My Son.
so once you know how everything goes, what do you do from there? listen to what? because obviously my mind cant seem to wrap around any idea or problem thrown at me. My heart is being confusing. I no longer can trust my friend or parent.
so what do i do when all goes wrong? the only answer i give to you is: Being the best mom I can be

My Soldier

Daddy, can you hear me? I'm trying to reach you all the way down here on earth. It's been years since I've seen you, but I can sense you around by the little things you do. When I walk by you I smell your soap, I can hear you when "Butterfly Kisses" plays in the background or even a familiar country song. Daddy I'm looking at pictures of you holding me and pictures of you making funny faces. Daddy why do you visit brother but you don't come see me? There are times I need you. I believe it's because brother can't remember you, but at least you told him to let me know you love me. Did you get to see me graduate? I bet you had the best seat in the house. I was hoping you'd come see me that night but you never did, so slept and said "I miss you." Daddy have you seen your grandson? You must have because mom says you say he's getting big. Is grandma there with you? Is she happy grandpa came to be with her again? Tell her I noticed her around when I was cleaning and that she made me miss her chili stew. Tell grandpa I tried to visit one last time, and I miss him so much. Hey dad, can I get a new shirt of yours mine is all worn down and holey. Dad I better go Little Forrest is going to wake up in a few. I love you, later daddy.

Little Big Brother

I know you and I won’t ever remember when you were a big baby, or when I would feed you for mom, but do you remember us crawling in grandpa and grandma's bed? Remember us having red sore bottoms from getting spanked all the time. I recently just found out it can lower a child's IQ, no wonder we are like we are now. Do you remember mom telling us she would pay us if we danced like those guys off of “Save the Last Dance?” We were too embarrassed to do something stupid like that, and now we do stupid shit all the time. I remember you burning your arm on my Curl 'N' Iron, you didn't notice it was on there for the longest time till we seen the later results of what kind of burn it was; a "Fucking Bad Bubbly Burn," but of course you got me back by breaking my pinky by sliding on it. I had to get a whole arm cast which made me look dumb. Brother, do you remember the Nintendo 64? We stayed up late playing Donkey Kong and Super Mario. How about the time I was giving you a ride on the bike and we crashed and you flew over the handle bars? We got up and looked at each other and busted out laughing. You’re the best brother I know, or have known till our other brothers came into the picture. I want to thank you for being there when I needed you most, during boy talks, mom talks, missing dad talks, and of course waking up at two in the morning to eat cereal with me. You’re the Best!

**My Little Knight in Shinning Armour**

April 24 was the big day! Boy or Girl? Soon a phone call came in from my mom, my brother and I stayed home from school that day to wait for the news. It’s a Boy! When my family came home with my new brother I’ll admit I was scared and nervous about holding my new brother. I have five brothers and zero sisters, but this is a story about the youngest brother.

His name is Gerald; just like every sibling around the world they have awkward questions, funny personality, and caring hearts. You talk to a girl or in my case a boy and the first question to pop out his mouth is “Is that your boyfriend?!” The times I hated the most when my brother was little was when he had bottles, bottles that turned to cottage cheese under the bed and in the toy box. Push when making a bottle; it always had to be rushed, if not you end up with a mad baby.

Then there are those time when I was grateful to have another brother, I was able to teach new things all over again. Play catch, flip on the trampoline, and even role play characters from the movies. Funniest memory I have of my brother, is him sitting on my mom’s lap driving down the driveway, tuning the radio to pick a song to drive to.

I love my brother, and I’m glad he came into my world.