What Am I?

we two become united,
miniscule or great,
shades of various colors,
we may be snug,
we may be painful,
we travel everywhere,
we sometimes lose one another.
what are we?

Your Beautiful

my dream come true,
the day i met you,
never did i think or believe i'd love you,
first date to first kiss,
your outgoingness, my shyness,
couple days to a couple weeks
your love seeped into my heart.
together, you and i,
brief or extended time,
little or lengthy distance,
i'll be here for you.
always is what you say,
and always is what i hope to be.
i love you.

A Built Easily Lovable Guy** Mr. Bumble Bee

I grew up with a mom who loved sports, Softball was a sport she played every summer. One of her softball friends had a son around my age, he was even my very own classmate, Abel. I barely remember him in my childhood, only bits and pieces I can't forget or have been told to me by my mom. Apparently my mom told me back in elementary school, during halloween; my class had a party. At this time he had a crush on me, friends of his were trying to get him to come sit with me or talk to me, but he shyed away and hid under his little desk in his little bumble bee costume. My mom remembers his little feet poking out from under his desk while he tried to hide. As years went by I barely even noticed him; sad to say, until 7th grade.
It was Mrs. Swillings class; she was an english teacher, Abel and I had her same class that period. Mrs. Swilling was around 50 years of age, the skin on her arms were no longer held in place; sagging was the way to describe them. She embaced her arms and loved making us laugh by waving her arms and calling them her "wings." He remembers that just as well as I do, including the fart machine memory.
Every I'd come home and tell my mom how my day went, I told her practically everything. When I would start telling my mom about boys, she would immediately interupt and remind me there were only three boys I can only date. Trevor and Taylor were also sons of a softball mom; Trevor was too into himself and young, Taylor was not my idea of a boy I wanted to be with. Then there was Abel; smart, funny, kind, and indeed a great friend. My mom knew out of the three I only liked Abel, so she'd mainly push me to talk to him.
After the first month and a half together in that class, he started liking me. Then one day after school he got the courage to ask me that one question. As soon as the school bell rang I headed out to the buses, that is when I heard him call my name. "Oh no I can't believe I'm doing this" look was on his face, then he went with his plan and asked "Do you want to go out with me?" All of a sudden I had no clue of what to say, sadly I said "no, there is this other guy," I completely flat out lied to him. I regret lying to him and possibly hurting him, I liked him but I don't believe I was ready to even have a boyfriend. The next day was awkward, Abel had acted like yesterday never happened. That year of schol he never bothered to ask me out again.
8th grade was a new start, I lived in a new house; right in Abel's neighborhood. I would jokingly tease him to walk me home on occasion, and he'd alway reply, "After practice." Junior high was coming to an end, Abel and I had gotten voted as Most Nicest Kids in School, a great way to end the school year.
High school had seemed to have passed pretty quick, It wasn't till our senior year till we became close friends. He had a girlfriend, being so close is what made her cause him to not talk to me. It took him only one day to not talk to me, that next day he didn't care what his girlfriend said. Everytime she came through the doors we acted as if we were not even talking, we were great friends and we were not going to let her ruin our friendship. That whole semester went by with laughs and amazing memories, and we happily graduated with those moments.
I regret not giving him a chance, but also happy that I still had a good friend that brought me joy to my life and everytime I see him, those memories come back fresh as if no time has passed. I'll always remember my friend the Bumble Bee.

My Mexico

It was only sophmore year; my best friend had just moved and I was taking spanish with out her humourous motivation. Wonder what could go wrong? or Right? It was then when he walked into class with a lost and confused look, dressed properly and smelled amazing. He had that one deep dimple in his smile and light brown eyes, but absolutely No idea what anyone around him was saying. He was from Mexico, I remember him showing me on the map where he was from. I dont remember how I started talking but I do remember the moments of getting to understand him and know who he was. We helped each other understand both english and spanish. Soon we were friends, the basketball courts and hallways is where we could have been spotted. Every lunchtime after eating with our friends we'd meet each other in the hallway and just talk, not many could communicate with him but when it came to me and him we understood everything. One day we were walking down the hallway and one of our teachers Mrs. Taylor had noticed us always walking around together and stopped to ask if we were together, I simply said "no." she replied with "Ya'll are cute!" He then asked what she said and what she meant, "Boyfriend, Girlfriend" is how I explained with of course a smile on my face. He then laughed and smiled and said "Nice!" He soon had to go back to Mexico to return to his family. I clearly remember the last day I seen him. My mom was on her way to pick me up, his home wasn't far from school so he said "well I better go" "Okay" i told him. Before he turned away he brushed my hair from my face and then gave me a big hug, smiled and started walking away. I watched him leave and remembering him looking back one more time and revealed that one dimple that
stood out from any smile I have seen. He became a good friend to talk to and I'll miss seeing his smile and talking to him.

Brand New Lesson

I was a kid, a little girl with pigtails running around and swinging on the swings. Soon I was entering the age when liking or crushing on a boy was the next stage in my little life. Kids at age 5-6 don’t know the whole concept of actually being in a relationship, so instead we thought of it as a boy and girl pushing each other on the swings, playing basketball or volleyball together. A major plus was the fact that it was not a big deal on who we dated; we were still innocent and good kids at that age.
I began to like this boy; he was a cute face boy that hung out with his big group of friends every day at lunch. His group of friends would chase my group of friends who were all screaming girls. What did his group of friends want with screaming girls? When I got captured I got the inside look. “Kiss her!” The boys wanted to kiss us, their lips no longer virgin. Well if they did have the balls to kiss the girl they captured.
9-11 years old soon they were getting to know a little about relationships, you walk the girls to the bus; holding hands down the hallway to lunch, and eat lunch together. The boy I had a crush on when I was 5 was the same boy I had a crush on at age 9. I sat behind him in class, and when his moment came he rested his hand on mine; while I was unaware of it. I asked him a question and soon he lost his confidence. “Were you trying to hold my hand?” He then moved his hand off mine and replied “No!” Our chance of getting together was always on and off; we were never on the same page.
Junior High and High School arrived, along with the new thing instead of love notes; Cell Phones. We liked each other but still we had other we were interested in, we were in different cliques and had different class schedules but still we had a way of talking to each other. Sitting outside, we watched his friends play ball; I started learning more about him and what he liked in girls. Outgoing, fun, and smart; outgoing was definitely not me. He on the other hand was shy and quiet, my chance of having prince charming ask me to be his and sweep me off my feet disappeared.
I slowly let the flame die, knowing he was just a crush and maybe our paths were not meant to be crossed. I was a little girl with pigtails who grew up to be a girl with bigger dreams of a prince charming.

My Rare Diamond

Ever since I was a little girl running around pretending to be Pocahontas, I had a pain in the neck; also known as Diamond, my best friend. I grew up with him as my next door neighbor; he was my best friend from the start. From Barbie dolls to pushing me in my little motor car, I was always in command with him gladly doing whatever I told him and my little brother to do. As soon as we started getting older my paybacks were catching up with me. I was soon shoved up into a tree and now I have scars engrave in my knees and legs. Next I was pushed down on the ground; luckily I was able to get away from these big lips coming at me. All that time of being together growing up, one of us was bound to fall in love with one another. He was a brother to me so yes I loved him that way; on the other hand he was in love with me; wanting to be my other half. Relationships came and went but no matter what we were always jealous, he wanted to be mine, while he belonged to me because he was my best friend first. I know he wanted us to grow old and have kids together but our lives turned out different, we had kids with someone else. The mother of his child never was fond of us being so close, but like I always say “Deal with it, he’s mine.” When I got married I could tell a part of him was broken, he signed the license and felt guilt at the same time, he gave me away without a fight. I know no matter how old we get, there will always be an us.

Continued

Merman

Have you ever had that thought?

Thinking and possibly giving in to what your thinking.

I've had that thought where I imagined myself with this guy, wondering how it would end up.

Would I be having the time of my life and maybe fall in love.

Would we end up as just friends or enemies? 

When I met him at first those thoughts never occurred to me. I was a shy art student who paid more attention to my school work then anything else. I didn't know much about him, was he smart? trouble? kind?

He was a senior, I was a sophomore. We were just class mates that had a  swim class together.

After the first couple weeks of getting to know each other and others of the class, we all became friends. Honestly class would be both boring and fun, we all looked forward to the last fifteen minutes of class, where we'd all hang out at the deep end of the pool. There were times when we'd all compete against each other, until our two friends became a couple. Soon the deep end was a place where me and him could be found splashing around. He'd show off his sinkable talent while I had none in me. I began to notice I liked this guy. He was funny, kind, and had a smile that made me shy away from his gaze.

As the semester was ending so was his high school years, he had decided to fast track and graduate early. Sadly we didn't see much of each other, but it wasn't long till he came to visit the school, or I guess you can say; his girlfriend. Jealousy was not a feeling I had felt before, at least not over a guy. He shows up to the school walking down the hall towards me and says hi, walks past me and hugs his girlfriend. I felt kind of bad because I really liked him, but luckily for me it seemed to not have lasted that long. A couple days before graduation; friends of ours set up a plan to meet up at the pool. He had been texting me before this date and I was happy when I would receive text messages; but now I'd be able to hang out with him for this one day. My heart started to race as the time to meet up came closer. I wanted to be myself but for some reason I couldn't. Many times before he had seen me in my bathing suit, now all I wanted to do was cover up. As the "get together" ended, my heart started to sink; nothing happened, we were still just friends. It didn't help that even when were hanging out, I just felt like a kid, still juvenile; it was making things clear we would only be friends.

Graduation approached, it was my last chance. My last chance to tell him all the feeling I have been feeling for him, that I would like him to know if we never see each other again, if he moves or goes to college. "I think I might like you more than a friend" something such as this crossed my mind, how would I tell him I want to be his. Rejection had also crossed my mind, had me thinking about backing out and leaving these thing unsaid. Telling him is the only chance I have if I want to know if he feels the same way.
Graduates could be found on the front lawn of the school, I was making my way out to say good luck to all my friends who have graduated. He was the first friend I wanted to see, and there he was. I was standing by our school's mascot statue, searching for him. He walked towards me, everything seemed to stop. Everyone seemed to blur and it was just us, then he hugged me. It was like being in one of the Disney movies, time stops, hair is flying in the air perfectly, in his arms for what felt longer than 30 seconds; he was my Disney movie. It was my turn to say something, but the words never came out, never came to his attention. He don't know how I felt at the time, but I always remember my fun exciting time of the first semester of my sophomore year.
He was my friend, I'll never forget the hug or the joy that he brought to me. I will never forget him, or his black hat and tshirt that I remember him wearing. I'm his native mermaid; as he says, and he is My Merman.

My First White Boy

Spanish Class was an interesting class, after making a new friend and him leaving I began to notice I had a friend liking me. My type has always been the bad boy with the baggy jeans and fitted cap with a basketball, but this time it was Josh; DC's, skateboards, and a football. I knew from that point, he changed my view of how I picked out the guys I would date. Josh was light skinned, blonde hair, and beautiful hazel eyes.

He was funny, he was able to make me laugh and that is when I knew I adored him. At first he teased his friend; Ethan and I, thinking we liked each other, when honestly me and Ethan were just friends. It may have just been “Boy Code”for I like you, I’m Flirting with You. One thing that stood out was the way he laughed, it wasn't the sound of his laugh it was his actions. Every time he'd chuckle, he'd flip his bangs and I would catch a glimpse of those hazel eyes. Josh had little messages here and there, of course they were in short supply "I missed you... not just kidding, I didn’t have anyone to bug in class so you better be here in class tomorrow." Josh was always so cocky, flashing his smile and flipping his bangs trying his best to always make me smile and have a good time. "I got something to tell you, but tell me your number and I'll text it to you" He did not know how to be discrete, but I did love seeing him try.

One thing I knew for certain about him was that he had a girlfriend, which was a big reason I never thought of pursuing him. I like the conversations we would have, even his "once in a while text's." Then one day he told me his girlfriend and him were no longer together, "she knew i was crazy about you" I didn't know how to take this news so I let him have his space for a while. I kept our relationship as friends; he wanted more, more than I was willing to give. His friends knew he was crazy for me, as well as his mom; she'd invite me to come watch his wrestling matches and football games. Soon the phase was about to pass, He found the girl who was able to be with him. I was upset for a while, but why should I? I never wanted us to be in a relationship, though I saw myself with him. Though we texted each other every night before bed. I miss you was used a couple times, but probably never meant. Josh did change my view on guys and to know attraction comes at un-expecting times. My attraction to him taught me many things, it even taught me; when the person cares about you enough they will wait.

Missing Him

It felt great to feel that spark,
It was a feeling that had changed my life for the very first time.
I didn't know what it would feel like?
Would it hurt? Would it scare me? Would I run away from it?
I simply had to let go of my emotions and see what the deal was.
When I let go of everything, I could feel it, that tingle inside me.
Friends thought I was crazy for falling for a guy that was....
What would you call it?
The only way that I could describe him is not their idea of someone I would like.
Some thought it was cute.
Every time I'd walk the halls or classrooms, I'd catch him looking at me.
The way he looked at me let me know he liked me.
Especially in class, everyone could see it.
They'd smile, tease, or laugh.
The Halls would be filled with Ooo's and Ahhh's.
All I could do was smile, I'd get butterflies that would flutter and flutter, they would never stop.
There were things he'd do that would have me smiling.
Like the way he flips his hair, the way his smile would reveal his dimples.
His eyes would change colors in the light from Blue to Green to Hazel, and to even Light Brown.
His laugh, not like many I’ve heard before or can compare to, it's one of a kind.
I have a good memory; you can't forget a crush like this.
It has been a while since I have experienced this feeling, and what I found out is that it does hurt and it can be scary.
I sometimes end up running away from it, not wanting to get to close.
In the end, all I’ve got to say is that I miss him, I miss him at times and it sucks.