Monday

 I seen her yesterday,

she looks almost the same as she did when we last talked

I can't remember how many years it been.

more than 2? 5?

who knows.

She walked toward me and met my gaze.

I wish I knew what she was thinking.

Every time I spot her in a crowd,

I can't help but stare at her.

Amazed at the woman she has become,

even if I know very little about her.

I like to imagine her life full and happy.

I half smiled and cowboy nodded in her direction.

She had looked unsure at first and looked down.

I didn't waver my look.

She then looked back and returned with a small smile,

slightly curved but meaningful.

We kept walking, further and farther apart.

It was over.

But today, I think of her.

Loving Her is Difficult

 Loving her is difficult.

She married my brother,

has babies and bought a home.

I don't know if I can do that?

Can I make her happy?

She smiles as she walks around the farmers market,

I wonder what shes thinking about.

Is she thinking of my brother?, cooking that meal he loves so much.

When I watch them play,

she cuddles right up to him,

like their love will never end.

She married my brother.

I never see her cry,

she holds everything together as if her life is perfect.

Maybe it is?

Could I have made it perfect?

Loving her is difficult.

She smiles at me but then looks at him.

I cant hold her gaze long enough for her to wonder about us.

She married my brother.

Loving her is difficult.

Blaming Mr. Universe

Word after word, he reread their letters and E-Mails.

He smiles reading her joke she repeated all the time.

She reads the letters and E-Mails too,

Remembers words she wished she never left out.

Her letter

She put her letter on his belongings.
It was hidden from plain sight, only for him to find and read.
Others laughed and talked in the other rooms.
She sat there debating whether or not she did the right thing.
Her fingers fidgeting, palms getting sweaty.
Maybe he'll find it tonight.
She laid there staring at the ceiling of her bedroom, imagining him reading it.
A week passed and he acted as if nothing was found, nothing was read.
She wondered if he read it, if he found it.
Who found it.
A month goes by and she's giving up hope.
Love is walking around, and she's having a hard time grabbing it by the hand.
He smiles and leaves.
Normal is how he acts.
She is beginning to believe he don't accept her feelings.
She said he doesn't.
She continues to cry herself to sleep.
Wondering if it was the right thing to do.
Poured her heart into a letter, and he gives no sign of notice or acceptance.
All she did was give up.
Her heart broken as love continues to walk out the door.

Bye

You looked me in the eye and for that quick second, I knew it was over. I watched your lips form the phrase “Love of My Life”.

I smiled the best I could, but deep down inside my heart was cracking. You were finally happy, after all these years of searching for love.

As for me, I was and always will be in love with the idea of you. You were tall, fine lines, and humor that captured my heart.

I still watched you talk about how independent, free spirited but slightly controlling she is. How you guys first met.

But as my heart started to crumble at the pit of my stomach, I nicely broke you off in mid-sentence. Honestly I no longer could listen about her anymore. She had something that once belonged to me, which I knew I would never get back.

I left with a “bye”. A hug was no longer normal. I feared I would never let you go, I even told myself you would not see me cry.

It was done with a “bye”.

December 16th, 2013

He walked with the crowd,
blended in,
but his voice stood out.
Soon all I could see was him smiling.
My heart jumped,
almost out of my chest and onto the counter.
Soon I couldnt stop my mouth from moving,
words fell out,
some words did not make any sense.
Then I stood there quietly,
just listening to him talk about anything.
Anything at this moment would be fine.
Food, family, and moon cheese.
He caused it all.
3 years of not seeing each other,
and finally I was with him.
Again he was wearing a black tshirt,
just like the last time I was in his arms.
We were no longer an ocean apart,
no longer a time difference,
the universe was no longer against us.
God I've missed him.
I still have goosebumps and chills running down my back.
Now I'm hoping this feeling never goes away....

Colors

We collided together,
our colors began to mix.
The world was our canvas,
splattering the world with every step we took.

Our colors never ran,
they were never grey.
Our love was red,
energy was green.

Everywhere we went,
we turned black to yellow.
Blending in with you,
you blending in with me.

It wasn't till you started fading,
I began losing myself.

I sat by your side,
watched as grey began to take over.
Soon you were no longer apart of this world,
the world around me started blackening.

No more sound,
no more sight.
I lost you,
then I lost myself

Drunk on Me, Sober on You

It was a normal night,
you were miles away,
but over the phone I could feel you whispering in my ear.

We try to keep our conversations "every-day" topic,
but there's always one night where we can't hold back.
You belong to her and I belong to him.

Your voice changed,
stuttering on your words,
then your voice sang a tune.

"I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
You disappear one day
So I spend my whole life hiding my heart away"
(Adele)

This is a good song,
you keeping whispering,
singing;
I love your voice.

You were no longer yourself,
drinking a remedy to numb your heart.
You spoke the truth.

Deep down I knew what you wanted to say,
I wanted to hear you say it,
"i love you"

"This song makes me think of you," he said.
He misses me,
but he wont say it;
just like I won't say it.

I smiled at the sound of his voice,
I didn't care if his words were drunk.
It was until the end of the song when things changed.

He cleared his throat,
and told me goodnight.
"I want you to take the sober me."

It then hit me,
this is what it'll always be,
our feelings there,
but never moving.

I tell him goodnight,
trying my best not to let the tears slide.

A Party for Him

I watched her as she hugged him,
he looked at her with a sincere look,
holding her hand in his,
she smiled and laughed.
They had a world, a language, and actions nobody could decode.

I tried my best to not watch them,
but as they sat there laughing; it reminded me of something.
She was never this way with me; not even now.
He said hi to his friends and family, but never really broke their conversation.
It was like he didn't want to let her go.

I don't think I could let her go.
It felt like they spent the whole night talking to each other,
but really its been twenty minutes.
Sadly it's been killing me inside.

So as I watch her walk away smiling at him,
sliding her hair behind her ear; she walks towards me.
She walks slowly losing that glow she had three seconds ago,
sliding her hand across my back to hold me.
I looked into her eyes,
but all I could see was him.

She belonged to me,
but her heart belonged to him.

Starting with You

It was 2010,
I found out you were pregnant,
having a baby
and suddenly things between us changed.

I couldn't breathe,
my heart stopped,
looking at you would no longer be the same.
That was until I saw you again,

I watched you as you smiled,
you sat there looking lost,
but still you had that glow,
not the pregnancy glow that everyone gets,
but the glow you've always had every time I looked at you.

A year went by,
I haven't seen you,
but I think about you off and on.
Wondering how you're doing,
if your thinking of me.

Things are different,
but I want to believe that things are the same between us.
I bet you're in love,
happy,
and better off without me.

I begin to imagine what it may have been like.
I heard the news that you got married,
everything went through my mind,
especially my last chance of being with you.

Maybe I shouldn't be thinking of you,
She sits there and smiles at me,
one thing is for certain;
she's not you.

Talking to you off and on
has always brought a smile to my face,
I believe in your voice,
I can feel your heart,
You're someone I can always count on.

Now I'll think of you as a married woman.
So as I sit her with her,
I try to forget you.

Run Away

My smile landed on your lips,

my arms around your neck,

and your hands on my waist.

 

 

I watched you dance her around the room,

you looked into her eyes,
just the way you use to look into mine.

You brushed her hair from her face,
kissed her forehead,
and spun her in a circle.

Everyone was smiling,
happily dancing around you and her,
and all I could do was stare.

I could have told you I loved you,
Instead I ran from love;
Your love.

Coming here to this party,
I did not expect to see you here;
Or even with her.

You then caught me looking at you,
Soon all I saw was me in your eyes.
I headed towards the door to avoid contact.

You then started losing the sync that connected you and her.
I looked back in the window as you awkwardly kissed her,
I couldn't help but wish that you would chase me.

All my dreams and hopes disappeared when I left you,
so as I walked away again,
the memories flooded my head.

I got in my car and a tear rolled down my cheek,
driving down the road, I looked one last time in my rear view mirror.
I continued driving without turning around and left you standing there watching me runaway again.

Her & David

They talked online everyday,
it was sunny for her,
it was moonlight for him.

She talked about the birds that sang along with her,
David talked about the stars that danced in the sky.
They lived an ocean apart from each other,
still they had their magical boat that they traveled on in every conversation.

She asked about the moon,
David asked about clouds,
"Can you see the rabbit on the moon?" She asked.
"Are the clouds happy?" David asked.

Every conversation was always new to them.
Nothing ever the same.
She wondered if he dreams about her,
David wondered if she looks at the moon does she think of him?

Early morning before the moon goes down she wakes up and kisses the moon goodnight,
takes every step and every breath, memorizes her feelings.
She watches anything that catches her eye,
so that the next time she talks to him, she can tell him everything.

David touches the last bit of sunlight he has before the moon comes out,
as if he is reaching for the gold.
He counts every shooting star, including the planes that fly by.
Listens to music till he hears the familiar "Beep"

Maybe just maybe they no longer have to be an ocean apart.

Know This

She ran around from the swings to the slide,
and back into my arms.
She smiled and pointed at the plane in the sky.

I smiled as she ran around in the grass with her arms spread open,
pretending to be a plane too.
When she laughs; she reminds me of you.
She don't know you're gone,
she don't know you're coming back.

I left you not knowing,
never wanting you to lose your focus.
Crying at night,
because soon I let you go completely; blaming it on the distance and time apart.

I left you wondering why,
you believed it was perfect; it was.
Still I made my decision to let you go and focus on your dreams.
You were fighting to be with me, but I changed my number and moved.

She plays with my hair, and tells me she loves me.
4 years old and still she takes my breath away.
You wanted adventure, and now I look at the pictures of you,
your happy.

If you were here right now,
I'd smile and wish you good things;
and if you were to ask about her, I'd lie and say she's mine.

........................................................................................................................


I'm laying in bed,
wondering why you let me go.
You were all I ever wanted,
My life.

I look up at the stars,
hoping your looking at them too.
Just like that night in November,
taking a drive to the lake.

You would smile at every little everything I said,
Laugh at every joke I told.
Looking back on it all, I'm wondering where I went wrong.

I know you hate the distance,
But I keep assuring you I'll be home.
I've been back in this country for about a year now,
Nothing but the same routine, Guard, Train, Eat, Sleep, and look at photos you sent me.

When I'm in town,
I visit your favorite places; in hope to see you.
Your best friend tells me your doing good,
but she don't tell me where you reside.
Your brother don't talk about you much,
Why did you leave?

I hear nothing but gun shots in the back ground,
my buddies laughing and joking around me.
They tell me to move on,
while one of my best friends tell me to not give up.

I try to fall asleep but I still end up laying here instead.
Do I miss you only?
I get up and check my email hoping to get one from you,
instead its my sister; "She's coming to town in two weeks."

My sister never liked you,
but she hates seeing me this way.
Coincidence you're back when I come back into town.
This time, after four and a half years; I'll hold on tight;
say all that I need to say, I still love you.

Think of Me

It's almost midnight.
I lay in the bed of my truck
listening to the music.
I count the stars,
while the moon hugs me with it's moon light.

The song plays;
a lovely melody.
I hum along and look up at the moon.
Talking to the moon is my getaway.

Whispering to him,
"Where ever you may be,
I hope you look up to the moon,
the stars, the sun; and think of me."

"When you hear my song,
I hope you dance."

"When you dream, I hope its of me,
in your arms is where I'm meant to be."

I look up and see shooting stars,
crashing into the other skies.
As the moon starts to fade
the sun rises.

Good bye to the moon,
I hope you think of me, like I think of you.

Summer Lake

She stood across from me,
Her dress trailed behind her as she walked around giving and receiving hugs.
I stood there watching her as she danced through the crowd,
Looking like the girl from the ‘Couture La La’ commercial; but natural.

She smiled and glanced towards me,
at that moment I was reminded of that week we spent here at the lake.
The week that made us inseparable,
we created our story about that week.

I dream of that week,
imagining your hair brushing against my cheek;
I miss you grabbing my hand to impress my with your palm reading.

I remember our little debates we used to have,
you believed in mermaids and fairy tales.
While on the other hand I believed in good swimmers and science.

I began to slip back into reality when I no longer see you in sight.
You must have left the party,
everyone is still enjoying themselves and I start to wonder why I'm still here.
No longer feeling the need to stay I walk back to my car.

That girl that was happy and confident
was now walking along the lake lost in thought.
Your hair was no longer up, but now
flowing down your back.
No longer in heels; now barefoot.

Dipping your toes in the water,
and finally letting out a smile.
I decided  I wasn't going to let this moment pass me by.

As I walked over,
I thought of different ways this would turn out.
You smiled and grabbed my hand,
by now it didn't matter how it would turn out; I was happy I was here with you.

We sat in under the tree,
it had our initials engraved in it;
soon everyone was leaving the party.
You grabbed your heels and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

For that quick moment I felt your hair brush against my face.
Soon all I saw was your tail lights.
You left me with another memory,
Till the next time I see you.

Suit & Tie Guy

I woke to the sound of your voice,
the scent of your cologne,
the rhythm in your step as you got ready for work.

I watched you from the bed,
no longer asleep.

Putting on your suit and tie,
you finally catch me watching you.
I loved the way you walked over and leaned in for a kiss.
You slid my hair behind my ear,
and leaned in for another kiss.

You continued getting your stuff together,
opening your case to make sure everything was in there.
Including your favorite photo of me.

Mornings like these are my favorite,
its been 4 years since you got down on your knee
and asked me to be yours forever.
Nothing has changed, the love still grows.

I follow you down the stairs to see you off,
and everyday you pinky promise you'll be back in my arms.

I Love You

Speak to Me

You turned in the other direction,
Your arms crossed against your chest.
I’m dancing around,
I’m kissing your cheeks and the back of your neck.
You kept a straight face,
And you fought back the smile that’s trying to break.
“You know you want me. You know you care.”
You hate Bieber, but you love my voice.
How long are you going to fight me off?
“Baby, Baby, Baby, Ohh”
Kissing your cheeks and still dancing at your feet.
Your smile is breaking across your face.
You have that look.
Speak to Me

In a Whisper

I sat there quietly listening to every single word spoken,
took in every sigh and giggle you let out.
As your hand grabbed mine,
I prayed that this moment would be embedded in my memory.
The chills ran across my body, I even noticed the chills run from me to you.
"Taylor"
I heard my name many times before but none that made my heart jump,
race, and then stop all at the same time.
I began to get nervous,
sliding my hair behind my ear,
looking at my reflections on every window.
I watched you look so confident,
smiling at every person walking by,
helping a little girl look into the window to gaze at the puppies.
Soon the day would slowly turn sunset orange.
The Christmas lights lit up the downtown street,
in sight were nothing but love struck lovers.
Couples behind us, couples in front of us holding hands,
couples kissing without the mistletoe.
We smiled and continued walking down the street side by side,
awkward it may have looked to others,
but us it was comfortable.
We haven't seen each other in years and finally were able to breathe the same air zone.
We sat in his car, me looking out the window
watching the trees and houses with lights disappear out of my sight,
but knowing we were coming close to my destination.
We pulled into my drive and he turned off the engine and let the radio play in the background.
We laughed at an all of a sudden familiar song "Dancing Away with My Heart"
Knowing at some point I had to get out of the car,
I took one last look at him and smiled.
"Have a nice night."
In a whisper I believe heard, or maybe even imagined an;
"I Love You."

"He told her “How do you do that?”
She said “Do what?”
“How do you get me to tell you everything I try to hide?”
“Is that good or bad?”
“It’s good because you know I trust you."

Smile.

One thing you were always good at, whether I was upset at the world or even mad at you.

One goofy face or pouty lips and you had me in your arms, all it took to make me smile.

“I love you”

“why?”

“because without you I wouldn’t be able to make you smile when your mad at me”

simple conversations like that mean the world to me.

smiling on the other side of the phone, people looking at us because we’re in a world of our own