Monday

 I seen her yesterday,

she looks almost the same as she did when we last talked

I can't remember how many years it been.

more than 2? 5?

who knows.

She walked toward me and met my gaze.

I wish I knew what she was thinking.

Every time I spot her in a crowd,

I can't help but stare at her.

Amazed at the woman she has become,

even if I know very little about her.

I like to imagine her life full and happy.

I half smiled and cowboy nodded in her direction.

She had looked unsure at first and looked down.

I didn't waver my look.

She then looked back and returned with a small smile,

slightly curved but meaningful.

We kept walking, further and farther apart.

It was over.

But today, I think of her.

He

He made himself the victim. He said it over and over, and soon he believed it completely. Then he told others about his tragic love story.

Love.

It was a major issue between him and her. He loved her for 17 years. Though he loved her, he still kissed companions night after night. Though he loved her, he slept with companions week after

week.

He tried numbing his pain, forgetting love, and fought back his attraction to the girl he dreamed about.

Though he loved her, he made her cry. Though he loved her, he pushed her away.

Love was never easy. He loved others, but not the way he loved her. Ex’s & Next’s always knew they could never compare to this girl. He held her higher that the girl that dared to fall in love with him.

Though he loved her, he broke her heart. Though he loved her, he never spoke to her.

 

Though he hurt her, she loved him.

Keeping it Together

He didn’t say “stay away.”

He didn’t say “we can’t be friends.”

He didn’t say “It’s over.”

But then again they were all things she had heard before.
Not from him but from someone who meant a lot to her as well.
She didn’t cry this time,
Instead she just walked away from this.
She pulled herself out before she could get hurt again,
Tear stained pillow cases,
And tissues overflowing the trash can,
Was not something she wanted to see again.
He let her talk but after that he stood there quiet.
She was not going to wait for tears to form,
So she left with her heart barely intact.

He became another friend lost.

December 16th, 2013

He walked with the crowd,
blended in,
but his voice stood out.
Soon all I could see was him smiling.
My heart jumped,
almost out of my chest and onto the counter.
Soon I couldnt stop my mouth from moving,
words fell out,
some words did not make any sense.
Then I stood there quietly,
just listening to him talk about anything.
Anything at this moment would be fine.
Food, family, and moon cheese.
He caused it all.
3 years of not seeing each other,
and finally I was with him.
Again he was wearing a black tshirt,
just like the last time I was in his arms.
We were no longer an ocean apart,
no longer a time difference,
the universe was no longer against us.
God I've missed him.
I still have goosebumps and chills running down my back.
Now I'm hoping this feeling never goes away....

Emry's Heartache

When Emry lost Sonny,
he stopped growing.
Sonny disappeared into the belly of the Horned Shark.
He warned her about swimming with the mermaids,
told her to stay close to the shore;
but she wondered off with Irene.

Irene was in love with Dimytree.
Two months ago Dimytree was attacked,
all Irene found was his necklace and a cracked horn.
She knew it meant only one thing;
The Horned Shark.

Emry started losing his leaves,
no leaves starting fresh,
his branches breaking as the wind raced passed him.
He stood by the ocean; day by day,
hoping for Sonny to come swimming out of the tides.

The day that Irene came back alone,
he knew something happened.
Irene had that same look when she lost Dimytree.

Emry now felt how Irene did.
He no longer could cradle or carry Sonny to home,
or brush the leaves and twigs from her face.

He was beginning to tell her how he felt,
contemplating how he should tell her.
Would she love a tree?
It would never work.

Heartache overcame Emry and the forrest he once roamed with Sonny.
Soon he was not able to travel far,
he set his mind to wait where he first met her,
in hopes she will come home.

Sonny's World

Sonny is 12,
she has long brown hair,
light brown eyes,
and the color of her skin is like coffee with a dash of cream.

Sonny carries her three books;
horror,
fantasy,
and a photo book.

The photo book contains pictures of her walking through nature.
Leaves,
snow and the rain.

She lives in her own little world,
fighting beasts and dragons.
Learning to fly and swim with the mermaids.

Sonny travels with Emry,
Emry found Sonny when she had lost her way home.
Emry is a tree; tall, orange now that the season has changed,
but still strong enough to protect her.

Emry watched her from afar before they met,
he loved that way her hair flew from her face;
the way she fought off the red dragon
without the help of a prince.

As soon as Sonny lost her way,
he wanted to be the one to guide her.
Sonny had her sword,
cautious about the trees moving, she swung.
That day Emry got a new haircut and a friend.

Everyday Sonny goes out with her books,
sits on his branches; like he's cradling her,
and she reads.

Emry never really liked horror,
if there happens to be a survivor in the end,
he tells Sonny "that's you."

Sonny loves to read the fantasy book,
love stories filled with princes & princesses,
especially living a happily ever after.

As it gets late she falls asleep,
Emry carries her home each night,
taking in her scent and brushing his leaves from her face.

Sonny mumbles goodnight,
and curls up in her bed.
Emry listens to her sleep,
then listens to her mumble "I wish I could be a tree"

Continued...

Friday

Unexpectedly you come in,
one look towards me and then a look to the floor.
Clearing my throat,
but still feeling annoyed.

It wasn't that long ago,
five months to be exact.
Bets going on to see how long you'd last.

"Sorry for being a Douche."

I'm thinking to myself,
let this end,
pray I don't lose myself.

"Ok"

You apologize but that's all I can say,
I let you walk out the door,
maybe feeling confused,
maybe even frustrated.

It wasn't that long ago that you cut me off,
It wasn't that long ago that you broke my heart.
but long enough for me to come to terms that you no longer want me in your life.

I can't jump for joy because you apologized,
but I will jump for joy because finally,
after all this time;
you realized you were a ass for what you did.

Letting you in my life would be a mistake,
and letting you slip away is also a curse.

Remembering You

"Scoot over!"
You climbed in my bed,
stared up at my ceiling,
"Wake Up!"

You played with my hair,
I yelled at you but still you laid next to me.
......

Certain days I wish this could be us again,
instead you wanted out,
wanted more;
but I declined.

I see you every now and then
wish I could run up to you and hug you.
Something about you has changed,
you lost yourself in your own mess of chaos.

I run past your house and remember spending nights,
dinners, and playing games at your house.
Sitting on your couch
laying my legs on yours.

We smiled and laughed at everyone,
everyone questioned our relationship,
I was your friend and you were mine.
Until you changed your mind.

I think of our last conversation
and start to cry.
I wonder everyday why you gave me up,
I wouldn't have done that to you.

I miss you everyday,
but someday I'll get over this.
Someday.

Wednesday

On that Wednesday
I lost my best friend.
Not in a store, not his phone number,
not even by death; but by him exiting out of my life.

Close since kindergarten but ending after 16 years.
I love him, but he no longer cares.

His problem:
wanting me to be his,
wanting to have more than our friendship,
and as I look at him; I see a Brother.

He let me go,
not a "good bye"
but more of a "forget you!"

I believed he would still be in my life,
old and still forever friends.
I was married,
and he hated that.

Everyone believed we would have kids and be a family.

My feelings towards him are not in that way,
I wouldn't kiss him, he's one of my brothers.

Should I just be divorced?
Make him happy?,
still in the end I wouldn't be with him.

As I sit on my bed,
I cry and remember everything we have been through.
Why would he throw it all away?

We might not have been lovers,
but still my heart breaks,
breaks just as much as it did when my daddy went to heaven.

He let me go,
so now I'll let him go;
I'll fade from his memory.
As for me he'll always be my best friend.

O.M.Freaking.Gosh!

I did it!
I miss him!
he misses me!
I havent stopped singing in the shower, car, ive been singing and cleaning at the same time.
I dressed nice today, the dummy i am, he cant see me :)
what to do now?
catch up with what i wanted to tell him...
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou....

Dancing Away with My Heart

It's the song that plays in my head when i find myself thinking of you.
You were seventeen, jokes and old conversations play in my head, and I feel myself falling back in love with you.
You became an amazing person and I am glad you achieved what you have wanted, so please keep achieving your hopes and dreams.
In the end, I hope you find someone that loves you the way I love you.

My Rare Diamond

Ever since I was a little girl running around pretending to be Pocahontas, I had a pain in the neck; also known as Diamond, my best friend. I grew up with him as my next door neighbor; he was my best friend from the start. From Barbie dolls to pushing me in my little motor car, I was always in command with him gladly doing whatever I told him and my little brother to do. As soon as we started getting older my paybacks were catching up with me. I was soon shoved up into a tree and now I have scars engrave in my knees and legs. Next I was pushed down on the ground; luckily I was able to get away from these big lips coming at me. All that time of being together growing up, one of us was bound to fall in love with one another. He was a brother to me so yes I loved him that way; on the other hand he was in love with me; wanting to be my other half. Relationships came and went but no matter what we were always jealous, he wanted to be mine, while he belonged to me because he was my best friend first. I know he wanted us to grow old and have kids together but our lives turned out different, we had kids with someone else. The mother of his child never was fond of us being so close, but like I always say “Deal with it, he’s mine.” When I got married I could tell a part of him was broken, he signed the license and felt guilt at the same time, he gave me away without a fight. I know no matter how old we get, there will always be an us.

Continued

Merman

Have you ever had that thought?

Thinking and possibly giving in to what your thinking.

I've had that thought where I imagined myself with this guy, wondering how it would end up.

Would I be having the time of my life and maybe fall in love.

Would we end up as just friends or enemies? 

When I met him at first those thoughts never occurred to me. I was a shy art student who paid more attention to my school work then anything else. I didn't know much about him, was he smart? trouble? kind?

He was a senior, I was a sophomore. We were just class mates that had a  swim class together.

After the first couple weeks of getting to know each other and others of the class, we all became friends. Honestly class would be both boring and fun, we all looked forward to the last fifteen minutes of class, where we'd all hang out at the deep end of the pool. There were times when we'd all compete against each other, until our two friends became a couple. Soon the deep end was a place where me and him could be found splashing around. He'd show off his sinkable talent while I had none in me. I began to notice I liked this guy. He was funny, kind, and had a smile that made me shy away from his gaze.

As the semester was ending so was his high school years, he had decided to fast track and graduate early. Sadly we didn't see much of each other, but it wasn't long till he came to visit the school, or I guess you can say; his girlfriend. Jealousy was not a feeling I had felt before, at least not over a guy. He shows up to the school walking down the hall towards me and says hi, walks past me and hugs his girlfriend. I felt kind of bad because I really liked him, but luckily for me it seemed to not have lasted that long. A couple days before graduation; friends of ours set up a plan to meet up at the pool. He had been texting me before this date and I was happy when I would receive text messages; but now I'd be able to hang out with him for this one day. My heart started to race as the time to meet up came closer. I wanted to be myself but for some reason I couldn't. Many times before he had seen me in my bathing suit, now all I wanted to do was cover up. As the "get together" ended, my heart started to sink; nothing happened, we were still just friends. It didn't help that even when were hanging out, I just felt like a kid, still juvenile; it was making things clear we would only be friends.

Graduation approached, it was my last chance. My last chance to tell him all the feeling I have been feeling for him, that I would like him to know if we never see each other again, if he moves or goes to college. "I think I might like you more than a friend" something such as this crossed my mind, how would I tell him I want to be his. Rejection had also crossed my mind, had me thinking about backing out and leaving these thing unsaid. Telling him is the only chance I have if I want to know if he feels the same way.
Graduates could be found on the front lawn of the school, I was making my way out to say good luck to all my friends who have graduated. He was the first friend I wanted to see, and there he was. I was standing by our school's mascot statue, searching for him. He walked towards me, everything seemed to stop. Everyone seemed to blur and it was just us, then he hugged me. It was like being in one of the Disney movies, time stops, hair is flying in the air perfectly, in his arms for what felt longer than 30 seconds; he was my Disney movie. It was my turn to say something, but the words never came out, never came to his attention. He don't know how I felt at the time, but I always remember my fun exciting time of the first semester of my sophomore year.
He was my friend, I'll never forget the hug or the joy that he brought to me. I will never forget him, or his black hat and tshirt that I remember him wearing. I'm his native mermaid; as he says, and he is My Merman.