My Mask

 Its been a while,

most of the time I cant force myself to write anything.

instead all these thoughts, ideas, memories, and you come to mind.

When its you....

I don't like to talk about you,

I sometimes forget why we even stopped being an us.

I get dressed, tie my shoes, grab my mask and head out.

Maybe I need a drive, maybe i just need to pick some veggies from the store?

I don't know.

Then its like my heart senses you near.

I grab my things and head to leave.

As soon as I turn the corner there you are.

Staring into my eyes, like you know its me.

I cant hide behind this mask.

I wonder if you want to say something,

I pushed you away for all these years and yet I still hold on.

My heart is racing, staring into your brown eyes.

Your mask doesn't hide you very well either.

As you walk past my heart seems to quicken,

no longer one beat per minute.

Quicken because you are gone, out of sight.

I grab my things and rush out of the door.

I stand beside my car, looking at my reflection,

thinking is this what I look like?

Why do you do this to me?

Released

he let go of her hand,
empty,
without words to slip off his tongue,
he proceeded to walk away taking his cold heart with him.
she looked in his eyes and found guilt.
he tried to cover it up but the guilt had kept chocking him.
the need for him had been chipping away one by one,
bricks falling off of their place called home.
he didn't bother to look back,
he knew it would destroy her and only bring her to his level.
cold heart like his he thought about that for quick second
she look at her empty hands,
winters breeze dancing on her finger tips
she was free
released.

Last Time

When I wake up you're the first thing that pops in my head.
Should I smile or be disappointed?
I start my wash,
take a shower,
cook something to eat.
But still during those times I think of you.

Blaming Mr. Universe

Word after word, he reread their letters and E-Mails.

He smiles reading her joke she repeated all the time.

She reads the letters and E-Mails too,

Remembers words she wished she never left out.

Not Alone.

She laid there on the couch,
drifting off to sleep;
still listening to her Korean drama show.

It happened so fast only her eyes shot open,
she was covered with a blanket.
Nothing, right?
Wrong.

She felt the blanket pinned her to the couch.
The couch where an hour ago kids were watching TV.
An hour ago where everyone was winding down for the night.

The blanket pinned her perfectly,
perfectly with the weight of someone she knew and lived with.
"Let's Try Something"
Three words that are loud and unforgettable,
with fingers sliding up her leg.
Her eyes wide open...

I woke up with tears streaming down my face,
still feeling the heat on my neck as he said those three words.
My whimpering soon became a loud cry,
waking my mother and baby laying next to me.

What happened they said?
How can I tell my mother the guy we were living with has been "trying."
My baby says "it's okay I'm right here."
I duck every time he's near,
If he taps my shoulder; I go straight to fight mode.

If I'm awake,
why do I still hear his words on my neck.
I never want to be alone.