Bye

You looked me in the eye and for that quick second, I knew it was over. I watched your lips form the phrase “Love of My Life”.

I smiled the best I could, but deep down inside my heart was cracking. You were finally happy, after all these years of searching for love.

As for me, I was and always will be in love with the idea of you. You were tall, fine lines, and humor that captured my heart.

I still watched you talk about how independent, free spirited but slightly controlling she is. How you guys first met.

But as my heart started to crumble at the pit of my stomach, I nicely broke you off in mid-sentence. Honestly I no longer could listen about her anymore. She had something that once belonged to me, which I knew I would never get back.

I left with a “bye”. A hug was no longer normal. I feared I would never let you go, I even told myself you would not see me cry.

It was done with a “bye”.

Story Teller

She told her about the ups and downs in her life. Told her about the one who broke her heart but said sorry. She then told her about the one that she lost; all from jealousy. So far there were no ups in her life. With her voice shaking she then began telling her of the one who steals her confidence, youth, and beauty.

He lives in the place she calls home. He stares at her from behind as if she cannot see or feel his eyes lingering on her skin. He pretends to joke, when really he touches for his own pleasure. While he is hovering over her body, she pushes and fights for her life. No one notices, she don’t say a thing because who would believe her. She told her guardian, her protector, but instead they brushed it of as a joke. So while she locks herself in the bathroom, she looks in the mirror and wonders what is triggering his behavior. Why does his wife not notice? Is she not pleasing him enough?

She covers herself in two t-shirts, a sweatshirt, and baggy sweats. Stays hidden in her bed, never going upstairs to the light, because that is where he lingers. He lives in the place she calls home. She want’s so much to escape but instead traps herself in the place he also calls home.

As she finished telling her story; she who was listening, hugs her.  

Smile

He woke up and noticed that the girl he dreamed of was not the girl he woke up to every morning. They had taken the next step committing to each other by moving in together. Her pink blankets draped on the bed, and her towels neatly hung in the bathroom.

He sits up and watches an old 80’s flick in his white casual t-shirt he had fallen asleep in. Sweat pants with cartoon characters collaged all over them, hugging him in every right way. When she walks in on him, she sees nothing but a lazy guy in bed.

“Get dressed, please,” she wasn’t up for a day in bed. “We’re supposed to meet Justin and Sarah for lunch. Why is it you never want to be with me and my friends? For once can you just get dressed for me?”

He looked at her and smiled. His smile was accepted as a yes. She walked out of the room and left him to get ready. Shower. Check. In their closet he picked out his clothes, as he was walking out a box fell out of place; a box containing memories of his past life.

The girl in his dreams also happened to be the same girl in this box he carried. He knew if she found this box it would hurt her, because she knows of a girl; but does not know this is her. When the box opened he grabbed a picture. In the photo you can see her smiling, her hair blowing in the wind in the passenger seat of his car. The same day this girl also told him she loved him.

“Are you ready yet?” he covered the box with the blankets and put on a clean shirt. She stood by the door with her arms crossed, giving up she stormed in the other room. He puts on his jeans, runs his fingers through his hair and calls it good.

He can hear her looking for the car keys, walking around in her heels and getting impatient. He puts the photo back into the box, and returns it to the closet.

“Now can you please act like you’re having fun for today?”

He looked at her and smiled.

Keeping it Together

He didn’t say “stay away.”

He didn’t say “we can’t be friends.”

He didn’t say “It’s over.”

But then again they were all things she had heard before.
Not from him but from someone who meant a lot to her as well.
She didn’t cry this time,
Instead she just walked away from this.
She pulled herself out before she could get hurt again,
Tear stained pillow cases,
And tissues overflowing the trash can,
Was not something she wanted to see again.
He let her talk but after that he stood there quiet.
She was not going to wait for tears to form,
So she left with her heart barely intact.

He became another friend lost.

Tell Me Why

I all of a sudden felt his gaze hugging me,
but it was as if we have never parted.
My heart took it okay but my mind was having trouble to accept what was happening between us.
My mind convinced me to never let a new chapter of us begin,
build a steeper hill and have a higher wall to climb.

Instead I'm slowly letting him trickle in,
the cracks in my shattered heart are beginning to mend.

He put me in a place where it is up to me to work this out,
but as my heart and mind fight; I cant win.