The Bet

it started off with a day. then along came a "bet." i was having problems at home, and i was comforted by a friend. everyone judged, but when it was us; everything drifted away.
hours of lunch getting acquainted, became a day of spending time with each other. "shooting the shit" with you was always something new and exciting. remembering the first touch; teasing me because i jerked away, but that day together became easy to hold your hand. while things at home were still a problem, i made myself at home in your arms and felt joy with your kisses. curious but a chance to get away from my problems i stayed the night in your arms. what i remember most is the look on your face you gave me when you showed me your home. happy but nervous; hoping i wouldn't just take off. i was able to just sit and relax with no arguments, it was just us being there together that freed me from him. microwave pizza and water is another thing i remember, you happily served me.
when you smile i memorize every single line and curve, the same way i memorize your laugh like a song. soon it came to the point where we could no longer be together and it has been a while since i seen you. flash backs of the talks that we had, such as "give me my pickle back" "i've fallen for you" and "I think i love you" i've been missing you since you have been gone, and now that were just friends it makes it harder to hide the memories of us. I never would have thought i could care about someone so deep and so quick, but my heart went for it.
Even if we were to stay just friends or acquaintances i know one thing is sure, don't regret a single kiss, hug, or caress. When you think of me i hope you think good things and the day we spent by the river, that is what i'll be thinking when i think of you.

I'll Miss You

Continued..

Once You Know Everything

once you know everything, you try to listen to your heart. maybe your heart has too many emotions so you feel its easier to listen to the voice in your head. how can you differ from whats real and whats fiction? listen to a friend? listen to your parents?
a friend; how do you know theyre your real friends? do they listen to you? do they hold you when you cry? do they tell you everything is going to be all right and you can lean on them for support?
a parent; are they really there for you? yeah they gave you life, but do they actually listen to your side, if there is a side? do you listen when they say “dont do this” and “dont do that”?
my friend always said they’d be there for me, be standing by my side. they would be there when i called. all i got was their voicemail. so how do you know if theyre your real friend or just pretend? They have been my friend since elementary school, we even graduated and walked together. my friend has seemed to disappear.
my parent; my mom, said she’ll stand by me no matter what I do. I want to be happy and be a good mom; yes she stood by me. I never wanted to get married, she pushed me into it. I was seperated from my husband, found a friend; someone i could talk to and be happy. Mom said no, your still married. No soon enough she became a hypocrite and began seeing a married man who was her high school love. Before they even started talking he was happily married, they start talking and soon they’re feelings for each other come back. I was happy mom and you took it away; so now I dont give a S*** on what you say your doing it too. I loved you enough to respect you and follow your guidance but im a big girl now, and now im not supporting your happiness with this guy.
on the other hand my “husband” then went to extreme measures, “i’m gonna take away the one thing you cant stand to have taken away from you” My Son.
so once you know how everything goes, what do you do from there? listen to what? because obviously my mind cant seem to wrap around any idea or problem thrown at me. My heart is being confusing. I no longer can trust my friend or parent.
so what do i do when all goes wrong? the only answer i give to you is: Being the best mom I can be

That Night

I thought about that night. Movie and a make out. Soon bodies touching and pressing against each other, your hand grabbing my thigh and pulling me closer. Biting my lip, tracing kisses down my neck; I could feel how excited you were. The tv yelling “tough down” Friday Night Lights playing in the back ground. Suddenly hesitation, you pull back stopping; it was only a movie and a make out. “You hungry?” Only for kisses I thought. Smiles across my face, it was an adrenaline rush. He no longer held back his body was slammed against mine, lips thrown all on my body. His kisses alone sent me to the highest state I’ve ever been, his bed sheets were black, gray, and white. Closet was organized, shoes set properly, his ball caps hung on the wall like pictures, while his laundry was piled into a big mountain on the floor. He slid my hands over my head and held onto my wrists, kisses were trailing lower and lower; he was already excited. I pulled his gaze to meet mine, all of a sudden the need for each other turned into “want.” I want to feel him, I want to be with him. I want him to love me.

Dancing Away with My Heart

It's the song that plays in my head when i find myself thinking of you.
You were seventeen, jokes and old conversations play in my head, and I feel myself falling back in love with you.
You became an amazing person and I am glad you achieved what you have wanted, so please keep achieving your hopes and dreams.
In the end, I hope you find someone that loves you the way I love you.

My Soldier

Daddy, can you hear me? I'm trying to reach you all the way down here on earth. It's been years since I've seen you, but I can sense you around by the little things you do. When I walk by you I smell your soap, I can hear you when "Butterfly Kisses" plays in the background or even a familiar country song. Daddy I'm looking at pictures of you holding me and pictures of you making funny faces. Daddy why do you visit brother but you don't come see me? There are times I need you. I believe it's because brother can't remember you, but at least you told him to let me know you love me. Did you get to see me graduate? I bet you had the best seat in the house. I was hoping you'd come see me that night but you never did, so slept and said "I miss you." Daddy have you seen your grandson? You must have because mom says you say he's getting big. Is grandma there with you? Is she happy grandpa came to be with her again? Tell her I noticed her around when I was cleaning and that she made me miss her chili stew. Tell grandpa I tried to visit one last time, and I miss him so much. Hey dad, can I get a new shirt of yours mine is all worn down and holey. Dad I better go Little Forrest is going to wake up in a few. I love you, later daddy.