This Town

Snow gently fell to the ground,
the cars and trucks passed by,
I sit here thinking of you.
I remember the times you would dance me in the street.
I remember the ring you gave me,
bring a smile to my face.
Sitting in your lap,
watching you laugh while you rocked me back and forth.
the snow continues to fall continuously,
I notice the kids having fun throwing snowballs,
catching snowflakes,
and then I feel the joy I had when we did the exact same three years ago.
They continue to play in a big snow pile,
the pile of snow where we use to lay and look at the clouds.
Holding hands, telling stories.
I then grab my coat,
and begin walking,
not knowing where i'll take myself.
This song has been playing in my head,
I'm at your shop.
There you are,
standing with her, the way you use to with me.
No longer with the ring on my hand,
but now on her's.
I should be moving along how far would I get
with this sad song ringing in my head.
I know it's over, its been over for a year,
and I still miss you.

"I just really miss you, I just really miss you,
There's a life I can't ask you to leave.
I just really miss you, right now I kinda want to.
The closest that you'll ever be to me
is free."

Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones

Have you ever been in love?  Horrible isn’t it?  It makes you so vulnerable.  It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.  You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…. You give them a piece of you.  They didn’t ask for it.  They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore.  Love takes hostages.  It gets inside you.  It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.  It hurts.  Not just in the imagination.  Not just in the mind.  It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.  I hate love.

Speak to Me

You turned in the other direction,
Your arms crossed against your chest.
I’m dancing around,
I’m kissing your cheeks and the back of your neck.
You kept a straight face,
And you fought back the smile that’s trying to break.
“You know you want me. You know you care.”
You hate Bieber, but you love my voice.
How long are you going to fight me off?
“Baby, Baby, Baby, Ohh”
Kissing your cheeks and still dancing at your feet.
Your smile is breaking across your face.
You have that look.
Speak to Me

The Day I left

I stared at him that night, I watched him fall into his deep slumber. I then went to the bathroom, looked in the mirror and asked myself “is this who I became?” I had bruises on my arms, self inflicted is what they called them. I decided to pack my bags, packing everything that had a memory attached to it. No one is concerned with my problems, yet they walk on eggshells around me. Wondering when the next show is going to happen, yet I don’t know either. I grab my white flip flops, my “Falling Up” t-shirt, and my faded blue jeans. Pack them in my ”Hello Kitty” gym bag. He’s still lying there asleep not knowing whats going on. The Show. I pack my bag with more things; the picture frame with some random dog in it, the cooking spatula, and the TV remote, maybe I should take the living room rug. As I grab these “things” I continuously wipe the tears that are falling from my eyes. When I’m finally not able to pack any more “valuables” I grab his truck keys.
I drive to the bridge where we got married, barely able to see through the rain.
I kiss the railing and soon the rain is falling into big fat drops. I climb back into his truck and cry some more, yelling at myself for being this weak; stubborn. I grab the bag and slam the truck door. The first thing grab is my outfit, the outfit you first struck me in. No one saw or heard my cry when I ran away from you. I hold it and then I let the outfit slip through my fingers and fall into the river 10 feet below. I then get the spatula, you made me dinner to apologize and hoped I would take you back; it worked, I did. I throw it out of anger, I can’t believe I was dumb enough to fall for you. The TV remote is next, we watched your TV show and you got upset when I changed it. You then punished me with the remote, giving me multiple bruises on my leg; I let it drop. The picture frame with the random dog is the last of it. I came home late, without argument or warning; you threw it. You grabbed me and then threw me against the wall. The original frame broke, this is the replacement; but that same night I cut myself over and over.
I get in the truck and soon our song comes on; becomes a motivator. I put it in neutral and push. I watched it plummet those 10 feet, taking the railing I kissed with it.

Anonymous

Maybe your first love is the one that sticks with you because it’s the only person who will ever receive all of you. After that, you learn better. But, most of all, no matter what, a piece of you forever remains left behind in the heart of the one you loved - a piece no future lover could ever get, no matter what. That piece holds innocence - the belief that love really can last forever. It holds friendship and pain, trial and error, that one kiss you’ll never forget and that night under the stars you can never get back. It holds youth and everything you thought love would be. Everything that was proven wrong.

In a Whisper

I sat there quietly listening to every single word spoken,
took in every sigh and giggle you let out.
As your hand grabbed mine,
I prayed that this moment would be embedded in my memory.
The chills ran across my body, I even noticed the chills run from me to you.
"Taylor"
I heard my name many times before but none that made my heart jump,
race, and then stop all at the same time.
I began to get nervous,
sliding my hair behind my ear,
looking at my reflections on every window.
I watched you look so confident,
smiling at every person walking by,
helping a little girl look into the window to gaze at the puppies.
Soon the day would slowly turn sunset orange.
The Christmas lights lit up the downtown street,
in sight were nothing but love struck lovers.
Couples behind us, couples in front of us holding hands,
couples kissing without the mistletoe.
We smiled and continued walking down the street side by side,
awkward it may have looked to others,
but us it was comfortable.
We haven't seen each other in years and finally were able to breathe the same air zone.
We sat in his car, me looking out the window
watching the trees and houses with lights disappear out of my sight,
but knowing we were coming close to my destination.
We pulled into my drive and he turned off the engine and let the radio play in the background.
We laughed at an all of a sudden familiar song "Dancing Away with My Heart"
Knowing at some point I had to get out of the car,
I took one last look at him and smiled.
"Have a nice night."
In a whisper I believe heard, or maybe even imagined an;
"I Love You."

He Says:

I’ll ask to see your face, he’ll say “No”. I’ll say “Ok” and smile big, cry quietly.
I’ll ask to say “Good Bye”, he’ll say “No”. Wonder why? I just wanted to see you one last time.
I’ll ask if he’s mad, he’ll say “No”. I knew it was a bad idea, but I didn’t go and he was glad.
I’ll sit there watching a show, he’ll soon say “Go”. I’ll say “No”, he already knows.
I wanted to see your face, he said “No”. But now he’s saying “Go”; but I just wont go!

Stupid Love

Stupid Love.
My heart stopped,
Like it does every time you walk through the door.
I don’t know whether it’s out of love or fear, maybe both.
Love: Excited to see your face,
But then fear will take over.
Fear: Dumb enough to fall back into your arms.
My heart stops and always grabs my neck.
Ordering me to not talk,
Or listen to any sweet lie.
I forget my words all the time,
I say something stupid or nothing.
My heart started and I came back to life;
Reality.
I wish I was able to block my feelings from entering my heart,
And let you slip right out.
Why did I do what I did?
Now you’re a memory,
Still fresh with every little reminder.
My heart can’t realize it so I repeat:
“You only want me when you’re lonely.”

Your Gaze

I looked into your eyes and looked away. You probably looked at me as if hoping I would take a notice to you. I fought back and forth in my head, what if I said something, what would the outcome have been? I’d probably be fighting with my demons, telling me how rude it was to do such a thing. So instead I fight with my guilt and sympathy. I could have just smiled and said Hi and walked away, right? Now questions replay over and over in my head “are you mad at me?, should I text you?, will you respond?” If I could only say sorry, what if I’m making a big deal out of nothing. I imagine you saying “why haven’t you texted me yet?” truth to why I haven’t texted you is; I want you to text me first. Even if you say “your turn to text first” I wanna say I Miss You. The End.

It Could Be

It could be the way you say my name,

the way it rolls off your lips and into the air.

It could be the way your arms hold the back of my neck,

controlling how long our kisses last and how bad you want to taste them.

But it also could be me,

allowing you to control my every motion.

"He told her “How do you do that?”
She said “Do what?”
“How do you get me to tell you everything I try to hide?”
“Is that good or bad?”
“It’s good because you know I trust you."

My Car

It was a pot hole that caused a crack in my windshield, the windshield I look through everyday; rain or shine. The windshield everyone see’s and can notice right when I pass by. They say “Damn! Was that a big pot hole?” I think it’s not that bad, lying to myself.

Bump! That small bump on the road made the chili pop out of the pot and onto my backseat and on the floor. Everyone I come in contact with say’s “what the hell were you doing?” and slowly climb in my car like its a fresh spill. They can smell the chili still like 

it is fresh, I try to cover it up with Febreze; but it’s still there.

Thuk Thuk! pooff! My tank just went empty. No one driving by on this road. I began to travel on foot in search for someone. Looks like everyone deserted me, my best friend did not come to my rescue like he said he would. My father is on a date with his text buddy.

Don't Forget

Don’t forget the one dimple on your cheek.

Don’t forget that scar on your middle finger.

Don’t forget that beauty mark that matches mine.

Don’t forget 2:15pm.

Don’t forget County Road 521.

Don’t forget about the monster under your bed.

Don’t forget the shirt I left for you in your top drawer.

Don’t forget “Teagan”

Don’t forget the color green.

Don’t forget the number 23

All things about us that I can’t let go, maybe you haven’t either.

Smile.

One thing you were always good at, whether I was upset at the world or even mad at you.

One goofy face or pouty lips and you had me in your arms, all it took to make me smile.

“I love you”

“why?”

“because without you I wouldn’t be able to make you smile when your mad at me”

simple conversations like that mean the world to me.

smiling on the other side of the phone, people looking at us because we’re in a world of our own

All Over...Again!

It started with a phone call, led to a hug; What comes after a hug?

A simple kiss, you pulled me into your arms and lifted my chin so I could no longer look at my feet. You brushed my hair from my face, you hated the way I always hid from your gaze. That look in your eye was at the same time intense and easy.

Kiss.

It happened. My power was no longer strong enough to stand you curse. Just once, was the thought that went through my head. But when I’m with you everything changes and I’m back in love with you. How could someone like you be so powerful?

All Points to You

My heart is pounding, starts to cause me pain. “someone is breaking my heart.” No, someone already broke my heart; it was you. It beats every time your near, like a warning sign urging me to take cover. I duck, I run, I do anything to stay hidden from your sight, your watch. Hiding behind the tree we had our first kiss, I sit on the grass and cover my eyes. My heart slows down two beats as I get up to walk down to the trail we always walked.

Your hand held my hand, caressed my face, wiped my tears away; so many things you were good at. I loved it even more when you always looked into my eyes.

I walked to the end of the trail where we sat to watch the river flow over the smooth stones. I always come here to say goodbye to the person I use to love. How can it be goodbye when today I’m here saying goodbye again. You broke my heart, not gonna pour out any details; its pain and simple. I still say I love you, not to your face, not to your friends or mine; but to the memories I carry in my back pocket.

No warning, no thump or beat, just you; kneeling behind me at my feet. My heart gave a jump as you spoke “you are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers ‘round my thumb, and hold me tight, you’ll be alright” words I always sang to you while you slept in my arms. Still my mind was telling me to run, my heart was saying one chance. Words started pouring out flowing through my ears, around my heart. Tears began to hit the ground, the rain started to mix in with our emotions. “I should have stopped you from walking out the door” I was in your arms. You caressed my face once again to see the look in my eyes.

“I’m sorry” we huddled under a tree as the rain slowly gave up, held each other tight as if the moment would end; not wanting it to slip away. With one look into ours eyes the moment gave a kiss.

Thinking of You

I sit here looking out the window,
watch as the wind combs through the trees,
the leaves are turning a shade orange every minute.
Then my mind thinks of you.

I imagine every different way I could greet you.
1. Run to you and hold you tight.
2. Stay where I'm at till you come to me.
3. Be surprised that your here in my presence and start crying.
or 4. Look into your eyes and meet you half way tell you what's always on my mind
"I Love You"

My arms start get to goosebumps,
I think to myself maybe your hugging me from a distance?
I always imagine stuff like this
So I'll hug you back and send a kiss.

My fingers start to go cold,
I look at my hands
no i don't need a manicure,
instead I need your hand holding mine.
I love the way you hold my hand, and kiss my chip nail polish fingertips.

Soon the clouds roll in,
but the leaves are still changing color.
The clouds are changing to gray
and starting to water my lawn.
Boom.

I heard that loud bang,
and remember holding you and you then telling me your favorite story.
"Its only the clouds playing bowling"
You always assured yourself, you hated the storms.
"Its only clouds swinging on chandeliers, making lighting"

 I held you till that next morning,
the storm finally blew over and you looked at me and said,
"how do you do that?, I can tell you anything."
me; "Because I'm a Cancer."

I love your honesty
as much as you loved my humor.

Sitting here in the storm,
makes me miss you.
Sitting anywhere in this town makes me think of you.
Why do you have to be so far away?

I walk away from the window,
find something to get my mind off of you.
Ding Dong.
12 o'clock every Wednesday the girl scouts.

Opening the door,
never did I expect to see you kneeling at my door.
"Will You Marry Me?"
"Yes."

No Longer

I choose him instead of us, I walked away with tears in my eyes; falling from my face. I looked in my rear view mirror and caught a glimpse of you kicking the dirt and dropping to your feet. Turning off the radio because our song was playing, now all I heard was the gravel flying from under my tires escaping our secret place. I thought to myself how did I let it get this far, I thought that this could happen. I was ready to take a chance and jump on this train with you.
I ended up letting him scare me away from you, I let him control my decision. So im in this relationship, kisses and hugs, but no trust. I’ll no longer feel your lips on my shoulder or the back of my hand. No longer smell your natural scent of you while you sleep. No longer feel you laying on my back as you watch tv with me. I’ll no longer see your light brown rays in your eyes as you stare at me. Instead I’ll be sleeping by his side and dream of what we used to be.

Tonight

I thought about what if i never heard your voice?
what if i never saw you again?
you dont know how much effect you have on my life
you might not know how much i care about you
a simple object can have me smiling
remembering the laughs, your smile,
so what if i never heard from you again?
my heart slowly and tragically breaking
my smile fading to grey
would my arms be able to hug again?
so what if you never came back?
would the word "love" make sense?
that space in my heart reserved for you;
would it be full again?
would i ever feel your kiss?
What if i never got the chance to tell you "i love you?"
would you know in your heart i thought about you everyday?
so if i never hear your voice or see your face
i want you to know with my whole heart
"i love you"

O.M.Freaking.Gosh!

I did it!
I miss him!
he misses me!
I havent stopped singing in the shower, car, ive been singing and cleaning at the same time.
I dressed nice today, the dummy i am, he cant see me :)
what to do now?
catch up with what i wanted to tell him...
imissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyouimissyou....

We Should've Known

i should've known
already belonging to someone
a family already made
future plans already set

home and work should've been separate
lunch should have stayed as lunch
texting should have never happened

i see it all now that your gone
i should've known

you treated me right
some called it a game
but i was trapped

i should've known
but also,
you should've known

This is Me

When I love I give my whole heart
I forget the wrongs you did to give you a chance
three chances is all you get from me
If I love you, please don't take it for granted
friend or lover, I love the same
Be honest with me, Ill be honest with you
If I tell you about my dad, you know I love you madly
When I'm mad
apologize, even if I don't apologize first
when I tell you to leave, stay there and hold me
even if I push you away
when I cry
don't ask why, wipe my tears and hold me close
when I'm ready I'll tell you
friend or lover, I love the same
when I'm happy don't ask why
tickle me and make me laugh
"lets do something more crazy"
when I'm sleepy
lay down beside me
kiss my cheek but don't leave till i go to sleep
if you fall asleep before me
better prepare yourself, your gonna get slapped
friend or lover
This is Me

Now

I looked in your eyes
I felt your touch
I listened to your voice
All things in use to love

I looked in your eyes
I no longer see me in them

I felt your touch
but I no longer feel at home in your arms

I listened to your voice
it was no longer music to my ears

all things i use to love
are all now just memories
I have them with me everyday
but i no longer miss them

some days I want to see your face
then I forget why I wanted to

I'm strong enough to let you go

All I know is we were a beautiful mistake

Believe

Remember that day we sat together? No talking, just us breathing and letting out small sighs. Until I grabbed your hand, you gave me a louder sigh and the cold shoulder. I held your hand for the longest moment, hoping in return you’d find it in your heart to forgive me. You loved me so much, and I loved you too. I’m Married. We were close, shared our secrets with each other. Dont know what each of us would do without each other. “I love you.” I heard those words slip from your lips and ring in my ears. Those three little words had a heavy meaning. “I always will.” Then these words fell from your lips. All the feelings between us changed, we could never be an us; Ever. We never told each other how we really felt for each other, you never judged the person that came into my life temporarily; neither did I. You left me sitting there, I watched you get into your car and drive away. You didnt think this relationship was that serious, well neither did I. Waited for you too long, and soon fell in love with HIM. Soon the tail lights were no longer in sight..

Tomorrow

I looked in your eyes
I got hooked on your voice
Everything the way I remember
I thought of the day in Durango
Your hand held mine
I'm trying to stop myself
Don't want to think about you
I'm thinking bad thoughts of you right now
telling myself it was just a game
I was just some girl to you
then i hear your voice and look at your face
I remember you holding me
telling me not to go
but inside I'm telling myself to let go and move on

You Again

I saw your face today
cant say I didn't miss it
missed it so much I had to look away
I hid in the back so I didn't have the urge to look into your eyes
so I wouldn't fall back in love with you
letting you go to get my family back
I have my family
though your still in my heart
in my head
in my mind
I saw your face today
All I can say is I miss you

Phone Call

Today I heard from you
4 minutes felt like 4 seconds
those 4 minutes already captured me
they had me remembering you
we were an us
you became apart of me
a part that could not be erased or forgotten
4 minutes felt like 4 seconds
quick enough to feel your ghost holding me
chills down my spine from the sound of your voice
hoping to not hear you say "i miss you"
if I did I'd probably shatter
4 minutes felt like 4 seconds
quick but slow enough to miss you

Bear

Im listening to this song
its been playing over and over in my head
in my head for a couple of weeks now

simply reminding me of the weeks
of the days when I was yours

Laying my head on your chest
listening to your heart pound my name
tracing your tattoos with my fingertips
Bear Paws.

I love the home I made in your arms,
it felt just right belonging there
every kiss, eager for our lips to touch
a kiss on my neck
leads to a kisses trailing down to my stomach

not being able to say "no"
felt so good at that moment
pulling me closer to you
not want wanting to let go

I laid with you that night
listening to the cars drive by on the wet pavement
listening to the rain fall down the gutters
not wanting this night to end

I'm listening to this song play over and over
and it was only those short weeks I was yours
I remind myself to continue with my day
and tonight fall asleep with you
not knowing your in my dreams.

You

I seen you yesterday, just a wave with empty words.
On my side I had a rush of feelings,
"i miss you" "i hate you" "i want to see you"
I wanted to know what you were feeling,
if you felt the same way, if you moved on.
I could tell you I miss you, I still think I love you,
but those words would both do us no good.
I want you to believe me when I tell you
"it's not easy forgetting someone like you, and that I still care about you"
but really what would it seriously do for us?
make it harder?
that's why I rather you not believe anything I have to say
When you tell me you miss me too, and that you love me,
I force myself to not believe a word you say,
but deep in my heart I want to believe you and reach out to you.
I miss every look you gave me,
the look when you try to make me laugh,
the pouting look so I can give in to you,
but the serious look is the one I love so much;
the gaze in your eye and the tone in your voice,
I fall more and more in love with you.
I love your smile when you talk about your friends
and laugh about the crazy stuff you guys went through.
But the smile I love the most is the one
when we planned about the things we would do
the same smile you gave when you use to hug me.
So everyday I hope and pray I can have a day without
the want for you.

The Bet

The Bet

it started off with a day. then along came a "bet." i was having problems at home, and i was comforted by a friend. everyone judged, but when it was us; everything drifted away.
hours of lunch getting acquainted, became a day of spending time with each other. "shooting the shit" with you was always something new and exciting. remembering the first touch; teasing me because i jerked away, but that day together became easy to hold your hand. while things at home were still a problem, i made myself at home in your arms and felt joy with your kisses. curious but a chance to get away from my problems i stayed the night in your arms. what i remember most is the look on your face you gave me when you showed me your home. happy but nervous; hoping i wouldn't just take off. i was able to just sit and relax with no arguments, it was just us being there together that freed me from him. microwave pizza and water is another thing i remember, you happily served me.
when you smile i memorize every single line and curve, the same way i memorize your laugh like a song. soon it came to the point where we could no longer be together and it has been a while since i seen you. flash backs of the talks that we had, such as "give me my pickle back" "i've fallen for you" and "I think i love you" i've been missing you since you have been gone, and now that were just friends it makes it harder to hide the memories of us. I never would have thought i could care about someone so deep and so quick, but my heart went for it.
Even if we were to stay just friends or acquaintances i know one thing is sure, don't regret a single kiss, hug, or caress. When you think of me i hope you think good things and the day we spent by the river, that is what i'll be thinking when i think of you.

I'll Miss You

Continued..

Once You Know Everything

once you know everything, you try to listen to your heart. maybe your heart has too many emotions so you feel its easier to listen to the voice in your head. how can you differ from whats real and whats fiction? listen to a friend? listen to your parents?
a friend; how do you know theyre your real friends? do they listen to you? do they hold you when you cry? do they tell you everything is going to be all right and you can lean on them for support?
a parent; are they really there for you? yeah they gave you life, but do they actually listen to your side, if there is a side? do you listen when they say “dont do this” and “dont do that”?
my friend always said they’d be there for me, be standing by my side. they would be there when i called. all i got was their voicemail. so how do you know if theyre your real friend or just pretend? They have been my friend since elementary school, we even graduated and walked together. my friend has seemed to disappear.
my parent; my mom, said she’ll stand by me no matter what I do. I want to be happy and be a good mom; yes she stood by me. I never wanted to get married, she pushed me into it. I was seperated from my husband, found a friend; someone i could talk to and be happy. Mom said no, your still married. No soon enough she became a hypocrite and began seeing a married man who was her high school love. Before they even started talking he was happily married, they start talking and soon they’re feelings for each other come back. I was happy mom and you took it away; so now I dont give a S*** on what you say your doing it too. I loved you enough to respect you and follow your guidance but im a big girl now, and now im not supporting your happiness with this guy.
on the other hand my “husband” then went to extreme measures, “i’m gonna take away the one thing you cant stand to have taken away from you” My Son.
so once you know how everything goes, what do you do from there? listen to what? because obviously my mind cant seem to wrap around any idea or problem thrown at me. My heart is being confusing. I no longer can trust my friend or parent.
so what do i do when all goes wrong? the only answer i give to you is: Being the best mom I can be

That Night

I thought about that night. Movie and a make out. Soon bodies touching and pressing against each other, your hand grabbing my thigh and pulling me closer. Biting my lip, tracing kisses down my neck; I could feel how excited you were. The tv yelling “tough down” Friday Night Lights playing in the back ground. Suddenly hesitation, you pull back stopping; it was only a movie and a make out. “You hungry?” Only for kisses I thought. Smiles across my face, it was an adrenaline rush. He no longer held back his body was slammed against mine, lips thrown all on my body. His kisses alone sent me to the highest state I’ve ever been, his bed sheets were black, gray, and white. Closet was organized, shoes set properly, his ball caps hung on the wall like pictures, while his laundry was piled into a big mountain on the floor. He slid my hands over my head and held onto my wrists, kisses were trailing lower and lower; he was already excited. I pulled his gaze to meet mine, all of a sudden the need for each other turned into “want.” I want to feel him, I want to be with him. I want him to love me.

Dancing Away with My Heart

It's the song that plays in my head when i find myself thinking of you.
You were seventeen, jokes and old conversations play in my head, and I feel myself falling back in love with you.
You became an amazing person and I am glad you achieved what you have wanted, so please keep achieving your hopes and dreams.
In the end, I hope you find someone that loves you the way I love you.