heart with a twist

i lay here thinking of you when i know i shouldnt. my heart seems to be confused, my mind might be confusing me. i lay here thinking of our time, so long ago it was. does that feeling for you exsist, like it does for me? i remember the friendly hi & byes, then when i can no longer count them i think of the touches. asking for your hand, just so i can hold it. my heart is confused. how can it be when were no longer what we use to be: FRIENDS IN LOVE. we swam in a pool of love. you carrying me, grabbing my arms to pull me closer to you. under the water we went, the rush we had still swims in my viens. seeing those brown eyes in my daydreams and hearing your laugh rings in my ears. its kind of hard to say i dont love you when i think i do.i wish i knew what you felt, maybe your stopping yourself just as im stopping my feelings. he lays next to me as i think of you. i imagine you holding me just to wonder how it might feel, i wonder if you think of me that way. *that day i pulled away... what if i didnt? would have something happened? would we have became something? the hug was the most incredible feeling ive ever felt, it was the closest thing we got to a kiss. it felt as if i belonged there. maybe i should have kept myself there. would you have let me stayed? my heart is confused but i love him madly as he sleeps so peaceful. i love him so much. so why do i think of you? last look you gave, gave me hope. hope youd come back to me. because truely what if we did belong? i think i might love you? do you love me?

Hayley Andersons Story

He abandoned me. He left me there, standing in the middle of the crowded room. I guess he couldn't take it anymore, I knew what to expect when i got home. That evening I wasn't able to enjoy the party, I didn't want to go home, knowing he would be at my door... waiting.

Sunday was a normal day; I'd wake up, and take a jog. I would jog up the hill, through the park, and back down the hill back home. But today I decided to jog downtown to the grocery store, while i was there i grabbed the daily newspaper and headed back home.
"Good Morning, My Lyla Bug!" that was always my dads way of greeting me, it never changed, not even now that i'm 17 years old. "Are you ready to begin?"
I was home schooled, I never been to public school in my life. Prom and boys were the things i never had to worry about. i sighed and went to get my books from my bedroom; another good part was i didn't have to get dressed for class. I could have corn flakes in my hair and Winnie the Pooh slippers, and no one not even my dad would care. My dad is a great teacher and wonderful single parent, though there were those times i would get bored being with my dad. Nicole, my mom, split from my dad and me when i was two years old. That's all I can say about her, she didn't want anything to do with both of us.
Missing, Hayley Anderson. I didn't know her personally but i remember her face from the grocery store, she was missing for two weeks. It was in the local paper i got from downtown.
"Are you okay, Lyla?" my dad said, "You need to go to the doctor?" All of a sudden I didn't feel so good.
"I'm okay, I just..."
I woke up in the hospital, my head throbbing full of pain, and my father by my side. I could't move, if i did the floor would start spinning. I had a bump on my head and a bruise on my neck, Dr. Vaughn figured it was stress or dehydration that cause me to collaspe. I would probably suffer slight memory loss but other than that i'd be fine. I left the hospital that day in a wheel chair, I didn't feel the need for it.
"I could walk you know."
"No, sorry you have to sit," there was sternness in Dr. Vaughns voice which made me stay put in the chair.
"It's best if you sit, I wouldn't want you to get dizzy," my father had his worried tone speaking. After Nicole left him, he was always afraid i'd leave him the way she did.
After we got home, my father took me to my room, feed me then slowly i fell asleep. I woke up in the middle of the night with my heart racing and my hands cold numb. It then felt like someone was watching me waiting for someone to come out from the darkness. I shut my eyes and prayed to fall asleep back in my peaceful sleep.
That next morning I went down stairs to get ready for my jog, when I was reaching for my coat I noticed my dad sitting and the kitchen table. I knew there was no way he was letting me out of the house after yesterday, so i just went and sat next to him. I said good morning but he was too into the paper to notice i was there. As I was about to get up and grab my cereal he then said good morning and told me he had news to tell me.
"Your going to start school on Wednesday, I thought I'd give you time to relax before school since your incident yesterday." No wonder why kids my age hated Mondays, bad news always seemed to come on Mondays.
"What about you! Why aren't you teaching me?! Why do I have to go to school now?" I couldn't believe I was about to start school with kids I didn't know much about.
"I have work, and it'll give you a chance to have friends, I want you to be with kids your own age. I don't want you hanging around me your whole life."
I guess he was right, i would get to know kids my own age and I didn't know whether to be excited or scared. Today I tried to figure out what caused me to faint, my dad believes it was because of my jogging. I ran how I always ran, same speed and everything. All of that thinking made me drift off into my sleep.

"Why are you leaving?! I'm sorry."
"Do you need a ride home? I can give you a ride if you want?"
"Thanks Skye but no, i'll just walk home it's not that far anyways. Thanks anyways." I tried to cover it up with a smile, but i was depressed inside I believe it showed through my smile. I left the dance and started walking home, I took the short cut of course. It was only a five minute walk from my house, but if I took the long way my feet would be killing me in my heels so thats why I chose the woods.
Crack!

Tuesday, I woke up that afternoon, my dad wasn't home so i figured he was probably at his job. Tomorrow is school, so I need to go get supplies but i'll just wait Thursday. Dad came home at 4 o'clock so immediately I went to the store to go get dinner. Spaghetti. At the check out stand I saw the same missing sign as the one in the paper.
"She used to work here," said the cashier, "Hayley was kind to everyone, i just don't know who would do such a thing."
"I'm sorry, were you friends with her?"
"No i'm her brother."
"I'm sorry about your sister, Julian." said a girl leaving the store.
"Thanks," Julian said. I could tell he wanted to cry, but he wanted to be strong and keep it in. After I left the grocery store all i seemed to think about was Hayley, everyone seemed to like her. I wonder if I went into the woods would i be kidnapped or killed? I got home and was kind of glad i was safe inside, locked the doors for extra protection.
8 o'clock, a few more hours before i have to go to school.
"You excited for school, Lyla Bug? My dad said in his encouraging hopeful voice.
Sarcastically I replied, "Yeah can't wait!"
"Lyla give it a try okay, your going to love school."
"Sure I will," I can't believe he was trying to convince me that school was going to be great, "I'm just going to go sleep now, okay."
"Okay Hun, goodnight."
"Night, dad."
I can't sleep, i feel sick watching the hands on my clock slowly makeit around to 2 and then to 3. I threw the clock onto the floor, but still the ticking was making its way to my ears, it's own way of saying school is near.

"May I help you, miss?" a woman with old fashioned glasses asked with a gentle welcoming voice.
"My name is Lyla James, I'm suppose to start school today," I can't believe i sounded like my dad, appropriate and formal.
"Oh! Mr. James daughter, welcome to Smith High School! I hope you like it here, I'm Mrs. Adams."
"Well thank you, it seems nice so far," I lied.
A girl with short hair and pink reading glasses came into the office, she seemed to be friendly and the type of girl who was into the yearbook and newspaper. It was my chance to make a friend.
"Calah, can you help her find her classes, and a tour of Smith High." Mrs. Adams was proud to be apart of this school, or maybe she just had way too much coffee this morning.
"Sure Mrs. A," she said kindly and nudged me out of the office, "Hi, my names Calah, sorry for shoving you out the door but I had to." she giggled as if there was a joke behind it all, "Mrs. A, the one you just meet gets extra happy when she gets lucky if you know what i mean."
"What? Do you mean she gets all happy after she just... eeww."
She started laughing, "No, I mean lucky when she plays bingo or her soap operas go her way. But that is gross. I'm sorry, so your name is?"
"Oh sorry, I'm Lyla."
We made our way down the hall, "So where did you move from?"
"I actually live here in town, i was home schooled by my dad."
"Home schooled? Really? That's interesting," she seemed shocked.
"Yeah it's no biggie. So what's my first class?" I tried to change the subject, i already felt like an outsider.
"So your kind of new to the school life, huh," she paused for a second, "oh, your first class is 2B, just around the corner."
When walking around the corner, i notice a locker with flowers and notes; old and new, and other decorations. "What is that?"
A sad look then came to her face, she was no longer the cheerful girl I see five minutes ago. "That is Hayley Anderson's locker, she went missing a couple weeks ago."
"She went to this school? I seen her picture in the newspaper and then yesterday i met her brother at the store."
"Yeah Julian has been out for a while, he just returned to school this week. They were really close, like best friends, but i bet he feels bad because they had a fight before she went missing."
Ring. I started to take in the information and thought i'd be best when there wasn't a crowd surrounding us.
"There's a breakfast break, you can sit with me."
Everyone filled the cafeteria, a couple eyes stared while other eyes didn't notice i was entering the cafeteria. We headed to the table with inquisitive eyes, they seemed kinda shocked, was i wearing something strange?

Story Not Finished

May 27, 2009

Today is a day that has to be written.

I’ll always remember it,

I had woken up to a smell of breakfast my boyfriend had cooked for me,

Of course he told me to keep this part out of the story.

I didn’t believe he would cook for me, seeing as it being the first time he said he would.

My boyfriend and I were spending the day together,

It was a warm day, nice and sunny; nothing could go wrong.

We were on our way to my favorite spot near the river,

Soon he noticed the gas gauge on empty.

We seemed to be running on the little gas that was left or maybe even air.

We struggled to find a gas station, when finally we came upon one.

15 dollars is what we got in gas, now all we had to do was pump the gas.

"What key is it?" that question had me confused at first but then I snapped.

My car has a lock on the gas tank and I didn't have the keys with me.

We laughed and asked for a refund the next thing was to go back home on air.

We didn’t even reach half way out of town before the car stopped in the Downtown Durango Neighborhood.

I then called my mom and she then gave us a list of things to do.

1. Walk to Circle K and lock the car doors.

2. Buy a gas container and fill it with a gallon of gas.

3. Walk to the car or wait at Circle K.

Two blocks to walk to the Circle K we get there and the gas can almost costs about 12 dollars, with the five dollars left; we get five dollars’ worth of gas.

Before he started filling it up, I told him to put it on the ground then fill.

With him holding it in his hand, gasoline splatters on him and his clothes and only fills up on two dollars.

"This isn't my day, I should have stayed in bed" is what he said.

Jokingly I told him he should have stayed home, but sweet as he is he always replied:

"But I’m happy because I’m with you."

We make it to the car and wait for my mom to save us; she had brought us the key to unlock the gas lock.

Sadly I then forget the road to baker so instead he then drives me to his getaway where he goes to be alone.

When we get there it's quiet and beautiful there’s little animals, trees, mountains, streams, and a river.

"This is a place where I come to think about things, now this is our place"

I was happy I was able to share a special place with him and call it ours.

Wal*Mart, Cheese Itz, fruit roll ups, and laundry soap was our shopping list.

Nice way to end our day in Durango.

Home was both rewarding and sad: rewarding= sharing half a cheese cake, sad= he left early at six o'clock.

With the day we experienced we were able to squeeze in a promise.

We promised life goals and a promise that could possibly take place in three weeks. Now the wait begins.

May 27, 2009 was a day that wanted to be written and now it has, it gave me and my boyfriend our special place in this world, state, town.

What Am I?

we two become united,
miniscule or great,
shades of various colors,
we may be snug,
we may be painful,
we travel everywhere,
we sometimes lose one another.
what are we?

Your Beautiful

my dream come true,
the day i met you,
never did i think or believe i'd love you,
first date to first kiss,
your outgoingness, my shyness,
couple days to a couple weeks
your love seeped into my heart.
together, you and i,
brief or extended time,
little or lengthy distance,
i'll be here for you.
always is what you say,
and always is what i hope to be.
i love you.