December 16th, 2013

He walked with the crowd,
blended in,
but his voice stood out.
Soon all I could see was him smiling.
My heart jumped,
almost out of my chest and onto the counter.
Soon I couldnt stop my mouth from moving,
words fell out,
some words did not make any sense.
Then I stood there quietly,
just listening to him talk about anything.
Anything at this moment would be fine.
Food, family, and moon cheese.
He caused it all.
3 years of not seeing each other,
and finally I was with him.
Again he was wearing a black tshirt,
just like the last time I was in his arms.
We were no longer an ocean apart,
no longer a time difference,
the universe was no longer against us.
God I've missed him.
I still have goosebumps and chills running down my back.
Now I'm hoping this feeling never goes away....

Her Child

She flips her hair to one side.
Bites her pencils as she thinks about what to write.
Her child watches her, curiously.
Her journal is starting to fall apart,
has paint on the cover;
Especially little doodles from her child.
Together they hide her journal, almost as if it is a game.

When she's alone she lays in her bed,
imagining what her day should be like.
But it isnt long till her child joins her,
Creating dragons and princes to save them.
She lays diagonally under three layers of heavy, soft blankets.
She don't need her pillow, she has him to hold;
Soon he'll kick the blankets off.

Day to day she watches her child play.
Jumping off the stairs to jumping on her bed.
He plays with her hair,
Weaving it through his tiny hands.
He laughs as he tickles her face,
Lovingly says i love you mom.

Though her world is plain,
Her life is full.
She creates their world,
And it begins as soon as she says "once upon a time..."

what he doesn't know

He doesn't know that from time to time; I cry.
He doesn't know that days after the argument; I cried for days.
I blamed everyone around me.
Blaming myself for not caring for him enough.
I broke my phone screen and now when I look at it I remember the pain;
The heart ache that caused my eyes to swell.
I remember the last day we spent together, but deep down it wasn't enough for him.
He doesn't know that when I hear his song, again my tears began to flow.
He doesn't know that when I hear about him,
I hope that everything good is going his way.

I'm not going to be there to greet him like others do;

talk to him like others do, 

but most of all hug him like others do.

So I'll shut my mouth,

and keep my emotions bottled up.

What he doesn't know, won't hurt him.

Chess

She lost at her game of chess,
the game they played everyday at the park.
He taught her the game,
never let her win,
so she played hard.

This time when she looked at the winner,
he had her best friend in his arms.
Long blonde hair
and legs that went on for days.

Comparing her self.
She was short,
as was her hair.

Her now "ex" best friend was kissing his cheek,
he was holding her close; smiling.
She lost at her game of chess,
now all she could do was walk away.

He broke her heart,
she hated him for that,
but she hated her self for still wanting him.
She loved him.

J.

They tell her to be quiet.

Before she can speak,
they know what she wants to rant on about.
They know that when she sits there quietly,
she thinks of her.

She begins to say "I.."
"We Know!" they say.
How can she not mention her?
Why don't they understand?

When she goes to sleep,
she dreams.
Dreams about the days when they were inseperable.

When she says her name,
the words "I miss you" follow right behind.

Thinking about the last time she saw her,
there was flowers blooming,
the scent of the grass,
and the sound of deer snacking in the park.
But now there is snow on the ground.

If only she could see her face,
maybe it would be enough to last the winter she has ahead of her.

They tell her to be quiet.
All she wants to say is;
"I miss her..."

Cristina

She told her to not give up,
as much as she wanted to wipe her hands clean,
take the weight off her shoulders;
she pushed through the pain.
Her legs shaking but not breaking.
It was her mothers voice in her head that kept her going,
She could visualize her mom jumping for joy,
proudly saying "thats my baby!"
It was a competition; her vs. the world.
As she pushes through the pain and her tears,
it wasn't until the last shove that she was able to breathe.
Cristina did it.
Walked away with her honor and her grace.

Singing Her Heart Out

She brushed her tears from her face,
fixed her hair,
and then put her lipstick on.

Went back out on stage,
began to sing.
Acting as if she was never crying,
hidding the fact that he was leaving her.

It wasn't till her last act that she let go,
she sang and tears began to well in her eyes.

When the crowd began to sing,
she then could feel her own pain vibrating off of them.

She stayed till the lights on the stage went out,
carried her shoes,
and grabbed the last of her bags.

The rain trickled down the car windows,
and the train pass by in the background.
Soon her taxi pulled up,
splashing her dress.

It was when she got in the taxi
she promised herself to take it one day at a time.
She got out,
dusted off her grief,
and went inside.

Closed her eyes;
prayed for a good nights rest.

About Her

It's been almost a year since I've let her go.
I have these constant scenarios running in my head.
Wondering if she would have let me in.
Would it have gotten far?

Sometimes I dream things are still better between us.
I remember running down the street with her.
I remember her smile,
I should've kissed her.

I made a horrible mess,
sad thing is my actions don't realize it.
My friends think I'm ok,
yet they don't know I think of her every now and then.

I can sometimes hear her laugh,
laughing because "I" caused her that happiness.
Something I wish I can do it again.
I wonder if I brought her comfort?,
gave her what she wanted.

Does she know when she walks away,
I break.
Does she know when I see her,
I try to get close as I can get.
Try to be her shoulder again.

Instead she built a wall to keep me out.
A wall so high, my own high could never get me to the top.

Sometimes I pretend I'm walking next to her,
Like that night we walked in constant circles.
Talked about anything,
But it's been almost a year since I let her go.

I'll always wonder if she'll let me in.

Colors

We collided together,
our colors began to mix.
The world was our canvas,
splattering the world with every step we took.

Our colors never ran,
they were never grey.
Our love was red,
energy was green.

Everywhere we went,
we turned black to yellow.
Blending in with you,
you blending in with me.

It wasn't till you started fading,
I began losing myself.

I sat by your side,
watched as grey began to take over.
Soon you were no longer apart of this world,
the world around me started blackening.

No more sound,
no more sight.
I lost you,
then I lost myself

Finding Dimytree

Emry was no longer the same,
his words were stolen from his vocabulary,
and his strength was ripped from him.

He still stands in the same spot.
The very spot where he rescued a little girl;
whom he fell in love with,
Sonny.

Sonny was lost in the ocean,
trapped inside the belly of the Horned Shark.
Emry believed she was forever lost.
Lost like Dimytree; Irene's Love.

Sonny found Dimytree;
badly wounded, surviving off of fish in the Horned Sharks' belly.
She had a scratch and a missing shoe.

They talked about the ones they loved,
wish to be back home,
instead they sit there waiting for their chance to escape.

Emry's Heartache

When Emry lost Sonny,
he stopped growing.
Sonny disappeared into the belly of the Horned Shark.
He warned her about swimming with the mermaids,
told her to stay close to the shore;
but she wondered off with Irene.

Irene was in love with Dimytree.
Two months ago Dimytree was attacked,
all Irene found was his necklace and a cracked horn.
She knew it meant only one thing;
The Horned Shark.

Emry started losing his leaves,
no leaves starting fresh,
his branches breaking as the wind raced passed him.
He stood by the ocean; day by day,
hoping for Sonny to come swimming out of the tides.

The day that Irene came back alone,
he knew something happened.
Irene had that same look when she lost Dimytree.

Emry now felt how Irene did.
He no longer could cradle or carry Sonny to home,
or brush the leaves and twigs from her face.

He was beginning to tell her how he felt,
contemplating how he should tell her.
Would she love a tree?
It would never work.

Heartache overcame Emry and the forrest he once roamed with Sonny.
Soon he was not able to travel far,
he set his mind to wait where he first met her,
in hopes she will come home.

Sonny's World

Sonny is 12,
she has long brown hair,
light brown eyes,
and the color of her skin is like coffee with a dash of cream.

Sonny carries her three books;
horror,
fantasy,
and a photo book.

The photo book contains pictures of her walking through nature.
Leaves,
snow and the rain.

She lives in her own little world,
fighting beasts and dragons.
Learning to fly and swim with the mermaids.

Sonny travels with Emry,
Emry found Sonny when she had lost her way home.
Emry is a tree; tall, orange now that the season has changed,
but still strong enough to protect her.

Emry watched her from afar before they met,
he loved that way her hair flew from her face;
the way she fought off the red dragon
without the help of a prince.

As soon as Sonny lost her way,
he wanted to be the one to guide her.
Sonny had her sword,
cautious about the trees moving, she swung.
That day Emry got a new haircut and a friend.

Everyday Sonny goes out with her books,
sits on his branches; like he's cradling her,
and she reads.

Emry never really liked horror,
if there happens to be a survivor in the end,
he tells Sonny "that's you."

Sonny loves to read the fantasy book,
love stories filled with princes & princesses,
especially living a happily ever after.

As it gets late she falls asleep,
Emry carries her home each night,
taking in her scent and brushing his leaves from her face.

Sonny mumbles goodnight,
and curls up in her bed.
Emry listens to her sleep,
then listens to her mumble "I wish I could be a tree"

Continued...

What You've Done

He pushed me away,
thought it was funny to see me cry,
sat there laughing,
blocking me from exiting out of his life.

I laid in his bed,
drugged off of his spell.
I hear her in the other room.

You go on like I dont hear you,
I walk around the room,
days go by; quicker never slow.

The darkness lurks close by,
I smell her on my pillow;
her lipstick kisses on the mirror.

You pushed me away,
still you wont let me leave.
My friends won't even come over,
haven't seen my family either,
they believe I'm in Alaska.
My job was very demanding.

The bruise on my face hasn't healed,
she still returns;
not knowing the things you do.

As the days go by
I start to forget myself;
My name, My Family, and even your name.

As everyone forgets me,
I become more attached to you,
remembering the arguments; the fights.

I'm fighting to get out,
but still in the end;
no one will know, that I'm lifeless in your attic.
No longer able to return.

Friday

Unexpectedly you come in,
one look towards me and then a look to the floor.
Clearing my throat,
but still feeling annoyed.

It wasn't that long ago,
five months to be exact.
Bets going on to see how long you'd last.

"Sorry for being a Douche."

I'm thinking to myself,
let this end,
pray I don't lose myself.

"Ok"

You apologize but that's all I can say,
I let you walk out the door,
maybe feeling confused,
maybe even frustrated.

It wasn't that long ago that you cut me off,
It wasn't that long ago that you broke my heart.
but long enough for me to come to terms that you no longer want me in your life.

I can't jump for joy because you apologized,
but I will jump for joy because finally,
after all this time;
you realized you were a ass for what you did.

Letting you in my life would be a mistake,
and letting you slip away is also a curse.

Drunk on Me, Sober on You

It was a normal night,
you were miles away,
but over the phone I could feel you whispering in my ear.

We try to keep our conversations "every-day" topic,
but there's always one night where we can't hold back.
You belong to her and I belong to him.

Your voice changed,
stuttering on your words,
then your voice sang a tune.

"I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I've ever known
You disappear one day
So I spend my whole life hiding my heart away"
(Adele)

This is a good song,
you keeping whispering,
singing;
I love your voice.

You were no longer yourself,
drinking a remedy to numb your heart.
You spoke the truth.

Deep down I knew what you wanted to say,
I wanted to hear you say it,
"i love you"

"This song makes me think of you," he said.
He misses me,
but he wont say it;
just like I won't say it.

I smiled at the sound of his voice,
I didn't care if his words were drunk.
It was until the end of the song when things changed.

He cleared his throat,
and told me goodnight.
"I want you to take the sober me."

It then hit me,
this is what it'll always be,
our feelings there,
but never moving.

I tell him goodnight,
trying my best not to let the tears slide.

A Party for Him

I watched her as she hugged him,
he looked at her with a sincere look,
holding her hand in his,
she smiled and laughed.
They had a world, a language, and actions nobody could decode.

I tried my best to not watch them,
but as they sat there laughing; it reminded me of something.
She was never this way with me; not even now.
He said hi to his friends and family, but never really broke their conversation.
It was like he didn't want to let her go.

I don't think I could let her go.
It felt like they spent the whole night talking to each other,
but really its been twenty minutes.
Sadly it's been killing me inside.

So as I watch her walk away smiling at him,
sliding her hair behind her ear; she walks towards me.
She walks slowly losing that glow she had three seconds ago,
sliding her hand across my back to hold me.
I looked into her eyes,
but all I could see was him.

She belonged to me,
but her heart belonged to him.

Abandoned

All she wanted was her mother to tell her she loved her,
instead her mother pushed her out the door.
She watched other mothers walk their children to the school bus,
giving kisses and hugs.

She sat there thinking what happened,
how did it get to this?
Her father never comes home anymore,
stays at work, the bar,
just walks out the door.

She no longer has the happy home,
no more kisses goodnight,
and no more sunday breakfasts.

So as she sitting there,
a lady; she will now call mom,
takes her hand,
leads her to her car.

She don't scream or fight,
but takes one last look at her home,
climbs in the car.
"I love you mommy and daddy."

She is now gone,
celebrating her 7th birthday,
with a lady she now calls mom.

Remembering You

"Scoot over!"
You climbed in my bed,
stared up at my ceiling,
"Wake Up!"

You played with my hair,
I yelled at you but still you laid next to me.
......

Certain days I wish this could be us again,
instead you wanted out,
wanted more;
but I declined.

I see you every now and then
wish I could run up to you and hug you.
Something about you has changed,
you lost yourself in your own mess of chaos.

I run past your house and remember spending nights,
dinners, and playing games at your house.
Sitting on your couch
laying my legs on yours.

We smiled and laughed at everyone,
everyone questioned our relationship,
I was your friend and you were mine.
Until you changed your mind.

I think of our last conversation
and start to cry.
I wonder everyday why you gave me up,
I wouldn't have done that to you.

I miss you everyday,
but someday I'll get over this.
Someday.

She was that little girl again.

The door bell rang,
constant knocks on the door.
"You afraid someones gonna rape you?!"
She unlocked the door and let in his family.

It was her habit of locking doors,
she would lock her bathroom door;
only for putting make up on.
She locked her bedroom door;
only to watch TV.
She locked her self in the closet;
only to look for shoes.

She smiled and went back to her room and locked her door.
The kids ran around the house,
listened to his aunt laugh at the baby,
jumped when she heard loud footsteps.
She even freaked out if it was dead silent.

Grabbing her purple blanket,
she sits on the couch.
Memories flash through her head,
remembering the sound of the door knob jiggle,
feeling eyes watch her while she slept.

She starts slipping into her dreams,
and soon enough she relives her past.
Panting and sore feet,
she pushed her bed in front of the door,
taped paper on her windows,
not letting anyone look in her room.

She watches the door knob jiggle,
soon it pops,
he forces him self through the door and smiles at her.

She then feels his hands on her neck,
and the weight of him on top of her,
shes feeling for an object and soon she hits him.

She's climbing off her bed and into the hallway from which he came,
he then grabs her foot,
fights her to bring her close.

She cries and fights but soon,
she was that little girl again.

She wakes up to the sound of the cooking alarm,
crying on the couch,
his family don't know what she went through.

They continue to tease her,
"You afraid someones gonna rape you?!"
In her mind she always replies:
"It wouldnt be the first time."

Starting with You

It was 2010,
I found out you were pregnant,
having a baby
and suddenly things between us changed.

I couldn't breathe,
my heart stopped,
looking at you would no longer be the same.
That was until I saw you again,

I watched you as you smiled,
you sat there looking lost,
but still you had that glow,
not the pregnancy glow that everyone gets,
but the glow you've always had every time I looked at you.

A year went by,
I haven't seen you,
but I think about you off and on.
Wondering how you're doing,
if your thinking of me.

Things are different,
but I want to believe that things are the same between us.
I bet you're in love,
happy,
and better off without me.

I begin to imagine what it may have been like.
I heard the news that you got married,
everything went through my mind,
especially my last chance of being with you.

Maybe I shouldn't be thinking of you,
She sits there and smiles at me,
one thing is for certain;
she's not you.

Talking to you off and on
has always brought a smile to my face,
I believe in your voice,
I can feel your heart,
You're someone I can always count on.

Now I'll think of you as a married woman.
So as I sit her with her,
I try to forget you.

Fine

It's my birthday today,
I woke up to my alarm going off,
waking my son from his dream,
calling me from his bed saying "Mom help!"
I covered him with his blankets and soon he was back asleep.

I slowly walked through the room to the bathroom.
Looked in the mirror and said happy birthday,
it was freezing cold, I had goosebumps everywhere.
It was my mission to untangle the blow dryer,
the cord that was in millions of knots.

Feeling the warm air that hit my skin,
making my hair fly like Marilyn Monroe.
"Go Girl, It's Your Birthday!" was playing in the background,
Singing Trey Songs and putting my make-up on.
Today I'm going to feel beautiful.

Work in a few minutes,
trying to find my cute outfit.
My room mate, aka my "husband" wakes up,
grabs his sneakers keys and takes me to work.
No words really said; Not even a Happy Birthday.

My day barely started, he's not ruining it.
Luckily for me he wont be home til eight.
So as I get into work I'll wait till the clock turns 10,
and my party will begin :)
Happy Birthday to Me!

Run Away

My smile landed on your lips,

my arms around your neck,

and your hands on my waist.

 

 

I watched you dance her around the room,

you looked into her eyes,
just the way you use to look into mine.

You brushed her hair from her face,
kissed her forehead,
and spun her in a circle.

Everyone was smiling,
happily dancing around you and her,
and all I could do was stare.

I could have told you I loved you,
Instead I ran from love;
Your love.

Coming here to this party,
I did not expect to see you here;
Or even with her.

You then caught me looking at you,
Soon all I saw was me in your eyes.
I headed towards the door to avoid contact.

You then started losing the sync that connected you and her.
I looked back in the window as you awkwardly kissed her,
I couldn't help but wish that you would chase me.

All my dreams and hopes disappeared when I left you,
so as I walked away again,
the memories flooded my head.

I got in my car and a tear rolled down my cheek,
driving down the road, I looked one last time in my rear view mirror.
I continued driving without turning around and left you standing there watching me runaway again.

Her & David

They talked online everyday,
it was sunny for her,
it was moonlight for him.

She talked about the birds that sang along with her,
David talked about the stars that danced in the sky.
They lived an ocean apart from each other,
still they had their magical boat that they traveled on in every conversation.

She asked about the moon,
David asked about clouds,
"Can you see the rabbit on the moon?" She asked.
"Are the clouds happy?" David asked.

Every conversation was always new to them.
Nothing ever the same.
She wondered if he dreams about her,
David wondered if she looks at the moon does she think of him?

Early morning before the moon goes down she wakes up and kisses the moon goodnight,
takes every step and every breath, memorizes her feelings.
She watches anything that catches her eye,
so that the next time she talks to him, she can tell him everything.

David touches the last bit of sunlight he has before the moon comes out,
as if he is reaching for the gold.
He counts every shooting star, including the planes that fly by.
Listens to music till he hears the familiar "Beep"

Maybe just maybe they no longer have to be an ocean apart.

Wednesday

On that Wednesday
I lost my best friend.
Not in a store, not his phone number,
not even by death; but by him exiting out of my life.

Close since kindergarten but ending after 16 years.
I love him, but he no longer cares.

His problem:
wanting me to be his,
wanting to have more than our friendship,
and as I look at him; I see a Brother.

He let me go,
not a "good bye"
but more of a "forget you!"

I believed he would still be in my life,
old and still forever friends.
I was married,
and he hated that.

Everyone believed we would have kids and be a family.

My feelings towards him are not in that way,
I wouldn't kiss him, he's one of my brothers.

Should I just be divorced?
Make him happy?,
still in the end I wouldn't be with him.

As I sit on my bed,
I cry and remember everything we have been through.
Why would he throw it all away?

We might not have been lovers,
but still my heart breaks,
breaks just as much as it did when my daddy went to heaven.

He let me go,
so now I'll let him go;
I'll fade from his memory.
As for me he'll always be my best friend.

Know This

She ran around from the swings to the slide,
and back into my arms.
She smiled and pointed at the plane in the sky.

I smiled as she ran around in the grass with her arms spread open,
pretending to be a plane too.
When she laughs; she reminds me of you.
She don't know you're gone,
she don't know you're coming back.

I left you not knowing,
never wanting you to lose your focus.
Crying at night,
because soon I let you go completely; blaming it on the distance and time apart.

I left you wondering why,
you believed it was perfect; it was.
Still I made my decision to let you go and focus on your dreams.
You were fighting to be with me, but I changed my number and moved.

She plays with my hair, and tells me she loves me.
4 years old and still she takes my breath away.
You wanted adventure, and now I look at the pictures of you,
your happy.

If you were here right now,
I'd smile and wish you good things;
and if you were to ask about her, I'd lie and say she's mine.

........................................................................................................................


I'm laying in bed,
wondering why you let me go.
You were all I ever wanted,
My life.

I look up at the stars,
hoping your looking at them too.
Just like that night in November,
taking a drive to the lake.

You would smile at every little everything I said,
Laugh at every joke I told.
Looking back on it all, I'm wondering where I went wrong.

I know you hate the distance,
But I keep assuring you I'll be home.
I've been back in this country for about a year now,
Nothing but the same routine, Guard, Train, Eat, Sleep, and look at photos you sent me.

When I'm in town,
I visit your favorite places; in hope to see you.
Your best friend tells me your doing good,
but she don't tell me where you reside.
Your brother don't talk about you much,
Why did you leave?

I hear nothing but gun shots in the back ground,
my buddies laughing and joking around me.
They tell me to move on,
while one of my best friends tell me to not give up.

I try to fall asleep but I still end up laying here instead.
Do I miss you only?
I get up and check my email hoping to get one from you,
instead its my sister; "She's coming to town in two weeks."

My sister never liked you,
but she hates seeing me this way.
Coincidence you're back when I come back into town.
This time, after four and a half years; I'll hold on tight;
say all that I need to say, I still love you.

Think of Me

It's almost midnight.
I lay in the bed of my truck
listening to the music.
I count the stars,
while the moon hugs me with it's moon light.

The song plays;
a lovely melody.
I hum along and look up at the moon.
Talking to the moon is my getaway.

Whispering to him,
"Where ever you may be,
I hope you look up to the moon,
the stars, the sun; and think of me."

"When you hear my song,
I hope you dance."

"When you dream, I hope its of me,
in your arms is where I'm meant to be."

I look up and see shooting stars,
crashing into the other skies.
As the moon starts to fade
the sun rises.

Good bye to the moon,
I hope you think of me, like I think of you.

Her Angel

In a dream you can be anything you want to be,
achieve the unthinkable and maybe it may come true.
That's what her mother told her ever since she was a little girl.

At three years old she dreamed of flying,
being a princess, and laying in a field of sunflowers.
Ten years olds, she dreamed of being beautiful,
her dad still being by her side, and having her family all in one house again.

She dreamed all these things and still no dream of hers came true.
So 15 years old, one night she talked to her angel in the sky, her dad.
He told her I'm still here,
she wanted so much to see him, he sent a butterfly.

As it fluttered around her, she let out her tears.
Every night she talked to him,
about what her dreams were,
where she wants to be,
and who she wants to be.

She couldn't hear his voice,
she couldn't see his face; except in the picture she held in her hand.
He kissed the top of her head, like he does every day and night;
and she could not feel it.

18 years old she cried one night,
screaming at her angel, asking him why he left;
what was the point?
'I just want a hug you and see your face again, i miss you daddy!'

She screamed so loud and cried so much she soon fell asleep.
No one ever understood why she cries.
They didn't believe in signs.
Signs like #36, butterflies, some country songs, and the way she knew he was there.

After that night,
she felt relieved, happy and calm.
She still felt alone in her world, just because he was missing.
He could see her pain, he then decided to grant her wish.

22 years old, she looks up to the sky and tells her angel,
I wish you were to see your grandson grow up.

He knew his little girl was now happy,
And no longer alone.

Summer Lake

She stood across from me,
Her dress trailed behind her as she walked around giving and receiving hugs.
I stood there watching her as she danced through the crowd,
Looking like the girl from the ‘Couture La La’ commercial; but natural.

She smiled and glanced towards me,
at that moment I was reminded of that week we spent here at the lake.
The week that made us inseparable,
we created our story about that week.

I dream of that week,
imagining your hair brushing against my cheek;
I miss you grabbing my hand to impress my with your palm reading.

I remember our little debates we used to have,
you believed in mermaids and fairy tales.
While on the other hand I believed in good swimmers and science.

I began to slip back into reality when I no longer see you in sight.
You must have left the party,
everyone is still enjoying themselves and I start to wonder why I'm still here.
No longer feeling the need to stay I walk back to my car.

That girl that was happy and confident
was now walking along the lake lost in thought.
Your hair was no longer up, but now
flowing down your back.
No longer in heels; now barefoot.

Dipping your toes in the water,
and finally letting out a smile.
I decided  I wasn't going to let this moment pass me by.

As I walked over,
I thought of different ways this would turn out.
You smiled and grabbed my hand,
by now it didn't matter how it would turn out; I was happy I was here with you.

We sat in under the tree,
it had our initials engraved in it;
soon everyone was leaving the party.
You grabbed your heels and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

For that quick moment I felt your hair brush against my face.
Soon all I saw was your tail lights.
You left me with another memory,
Till the next time I see you.

One Day Too Late

The crowd is shouting,
singing along with you.
Songs I could never really follow along to.

Hands waving in the air,
body's moving in rhythm to the song.
Again I never had the same rhythm.

I watch from back stage,
watching how you and your fans connect.
We haven't had that connection in months,
ever since I told you I no longer wanted this life.

A life where we are no longer just Us,
but now a life where it is us and your fans.
7:30pm

I have already called a cab,
saved enough money to go home.
I had my things packed lastnight
but you were to tired to even notice.

As the crowd shouts for more,
I silently walk out,
I don't look back because I'm afraid I wont leave.

The driver is loading my three bags I have in the trunk.
Again I try to not look back, but I do.
Still everyone is shouting your name,
and here you are standing in the doorway.

I look in your eyes and you look in mine,
still we both no this is goodbye.
I get in the cab,
you walk back to the stage.

This is goodbye.

Suit & Tie Guy

I woke to the sound of your voice,
the scent of your cologne,
the rhythm in your step as you got ready for work.

I watched you from the bed,
no longer asleep.

Putting on your suit and tie,
you finally catch me watching you.
I loved the way you walked over and leaned in for a kiss.
You slid my hair behind my ear,
and leaned in for another kiss.

You continued getting your stuff together,
opening your case to make sure everything was in there.
Including your favorite photo of me.

Mornings like these are my favorite,
its been 4 years since you got down on your knee
and asked me to be yours forever.
Nothing has changed, the love still grows.

I follow you down the stairs to see you off,
and everyday you pinky promise you'll be back in my arms.

I Love You

IT

I seem to always plan on letting myself go.
I'll let it's shiny side slide across and break down.
Everyone will forget I exist and I'll slip into the arms of the unknown.
Maybe I'll let it slowly slide down the back and let the darkness consume me.
Maybe I'll go and go till the room starts spinning out of my control.

After all these ideas/thoughts go to my head,
they'll create a major headache, one that will pound hard causing me to keep my eyes shut.
Soon I hear the pitter-patter of little feet that keep me alive and breathing.
"Mom" Three letter word pulsing my heart, living to be here for my son; watch him grow up.

Not Over You - Gavin DeGraw song in the background

I noticed a little quote just in the last 3 minutes.
"Never Give Up On Someone That You Can't Go A Day Without Thinking About Them"
Since the beginning of this month I thought over and over about whether I should,
whether I shouldn't let you go.

My heart beats faster
chills tickle down my back
I slide my finger in my hair pulling it behind my ear.
and I imagine you standing in front of me.

I let my mind run wild and I said whatever I needed to get off my chest.
Tears stream down my face
your face no longer the smile I pictured
your arms trying to pull me close.

Instead I push you away this time not allowing you to get me to change my mind.
We were at the point in our relationship where we no longer talked.
It was the decision I had to make,
they say if I mattered you would have done your best to communicate.

I wanted your voice,
I wanted your arms,
I wanted to be your everything.
Instead I was forgotten.