IT

I seem to always plan on letting myself go.
I'll let it's shiny side slide across and break down.
Everyone will forget I exist and I'll slip into the arms of the unknown.
Maybe I'll let it slowly slide down the back and let the darkness consume me.
Maybe I'll go and go till the room starts spinning out of my control.

After all these ideas/thoughts go to my head,
they'll create a major headache, one that will pound hard causing me to keep my eyes shut.
Soon I hear the pitter-patter of little feet that keep me alive and breathing.
"Mom" Three letter word pulsing my heart, living to be here for my son; watch him grow up.

Not Over You - Gavin DeGraw song in the background

I noticed a little quote just in the last 3 minutes.
"Never Give Up On Someone That You Can't Go A Day Without Thinking About Them"
Since the beginning of this month I thought over and over about whether I should,
whether I shouldn't let you go.

My heart beats faster
chills tickle down my back
I slide my finger in my hair pulling it behind my ear.
and I imagine you standing in front of me.

I let my mind run wild and I said whatever I needed to get off my chest.
Tears stream down my face
your face no longer the smile I pictured
your arms trying to pull me close.

Instead I push you away this time not allowing you to get me to change my mind.
We were at the point in our relationship where we no longer talked.
It was the decision I had to make,
they say if I mattered you would have done your best to communicate.

I wanted your voice,
I wanted your arms,
I wanted to be your everything.
Instead I was forgotten.

This Town

Snow gently fell to the ground,
the cars and trucks passed by,
I sit here thinking of you.
I remember the times you would dance me in the street.
I remember the ring you gave me,
bring a smile to my face.
Sitting in your lap,
watching you laugh while you rocked me back and forth.
the snow continues to fall continuously,
I notice the kids having fun throwing snowballs,
catching snowflakes,
and then I feel the joy I had when we did the exact same three years ago.
They continue to play in a big snow pile,
the pile of snow where we use to lay and look at the clouds.
Holding hands, telling stories.
I then grab my coat,
and begin walking,
not knowing where i'll take myself.
This song has been playing in my head,
I'm at your shop.
There you are,
standing with her, the way you use to with me.
No longer with the ring on my hand,
but now on her's.
I should be moving along how far would I get
with this sad song ringing in my head.
I know it's over, its been over for a year,
and I still miss you.

"I just really miss you, I just really miss you,
There's a life I can't ask you to leave.
I just really miss you, right now I kinda want to.
The closest that you'll ever be to me
is free."

Neil Gaiman, The Sandman, Vol. 9: The Kindly Ones

Have you ever been in love?  Horrible isn’t it?  It makes you so vulnerable.  It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up.  You build up all these defenses, you build up a whole suit of armor, so that nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life…. You give them a piece of you.  They didn’t ask for it.  They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn’t your own anymore.  Love takes hostages.  It gets inside you.  It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like ‘maybe we should be just friends’ turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart.  It hurts.  Not just in the imagination.  Not just in the mind.  It’s a soul-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain.  I hate love.

Speak to Me

You turned in the other direction,
Your arms crossed against your chest.
I’m dancing around,
I’m kissing your cheeks and the back of your neck.
You kept a straight face,
And you fought back the smile that’s trying to break.
“You know you want me. You know you care.”
You hate Bieber, but you love my voice.
How long are you going to fight me off?
“Baby, Baby, Baby, Ohh”
Kissing your cheeks and still dancing at your feet.
Your smile is breaking across your face.
You have that look.
Speak to Me