it was only 10pm
we all piled in my car just to take a drive.
everyone was spilling and dishing out secrets.
only because of the drinks they had during the game.
she then said "ugh, you can have him."
this wasn't the first time she had told me this.
she told me this once before she got pregnant.
our babies were 12+ months old,
i was married.
"you can have him,"
i knew how he felt about me,
hes felt that way since i was perhaps 6.
she was buzzed and looking for a way out,
out of my car,
out of her relationship.
many months pass and yet she still says,
"you can have him"
she was no longer with him,
but still giving me her blessing to take him.
he would look at me,
and i knew he loved me.
i loved him,
but i didnt want him.
not in that way.
the type of way,
only when i needed someone to call me out on my bull*.
when i needed a friend to hang out with.
when i wanted to feel loved back.
but his love was too strong.
its 9 years later and she says
"you can have him."
shes not buzzed, she sober.
shes not his, hes not hers.
she knows, him looking at me was "love"
love never given to her.
but still those words echo through the town,
"you can have him"
