Last Time

When I wake up you're the first thing that pops in my head.
Should I smile or be disappointed?
I start my wash,
take a shower,
cook something to eat.
But still during those times I think of you.

Blaming Mr. Universe

Word after word, he reread their letters and E-Mails.

He smiles reading her joke she repeated all the time.

She reads the letters and E-Mails too,

Remembers words she wished she never left out.

Not Alone.

She laid there on the couch,
drifting off to sleep;
still listening to her Korean drama show.

It happened so fast only her eyes shot open,
she was covered with a blanket.
Nothing, right?
Wrong.

She felt the blanket pinned her to the couch.
The couch where an hour ago kids were watching TV.
An hour ago where everyone was winding down for the night.

The blanket pinned her perfectly,
perfectly with the weight of someone she knew and lived with.
"Let's Try Something"
Three words that are loud and unforgettable,
with fingers sliding up her leg.
Her eyes wide open...

I woke up with tears streaming down my face,
still feeling the heat on my neck as he said those three words.
My whimpering soon became a loud cry,
waking my mother and baby laying next to me.

What happened they said?
How can I tell my mother the guy we were living with has been "trying."
My baby says "it's okay I'm right here."
I duck every time he's near,
If he taps my shoulder; I go straight to fight mode.

If I'm awake,
why do I still hear his words on my neck.
I never want to be alone.

Her letter

She put her letter on his belongings.
It was hidden from plain sight, only for him to find and read.
Others laughed and talked in the other rooms.
She sat there debating whether or not she did the right thing.
Her fingers fidgeting, palms getting sweaty.
Maybe he'll find it tonight.
She laid there staring at the ceiling of her bedroom, imagining him reading it.
A week passed and he acted as if nothing was found, nothing was read.
She wondered if he read it, if he found it.
Who found it.
A month goes by and she's giving up hope.
Love is walking around, and she's having a hard time grabbing it by the hand.
He smiles and leaves.
Normal is how he acts.
She is beginning to believe he don't accept her feelings.
She said he doesn't.
She continues to cry herself to sleep.
Wondering if it was the right thing to do.
Poured her heart into a letter, and he gives no sign of notice or acceptance.
All she did was give up.
Her heart broken as love continues to walk out the door.

Writing.

Does he still read this?
I have no page views from the United States.

I wonder if I should stop writing in my journal to someone who probably is not there.
Maybe he's looking at the computer screen.
Typing a message, letter, note, etc., wanting to press send.
Slowly hitting the backspace button, deleting the word "Hi"
or maybe the phrase "I'm Sorry"
I'm hoping for at least a "."

But as I sit on this side of the screen, state, world, universe; I'll write:
"I hope you're happy."

Not in a mean way but in a reassuring way.

I Stay

As I screamed to the world and friends how much I loved him.
I got nothing in return.
I Stay.
A cold rush of wind blew threw my hair.
Chills blanketed my arms.
But as I said "I Love You"
I heard nothing but the echo of my own words bounce back at me.
He did nothing but smile.
As if he had won a game and I was the one who lost.
He never told anyone about our love.
Laughed with others but never mentioned me,
especially being that I was standing next to him.
He breaks my heart,
but never cares; he probably likes watching it fall to pieces.
I stay.
That's practically all I can say right now, "I Stay"

I want to be loved privately and publicly.
He can kiss me,
Touch me,
but never loves me.
I'm hopeless.
"Don't say I never tried."
I Stay.

Timelapse

She thought about herself,
more and more everyday.
It wasn't until the fifth month; her scales began to harden.
Dragon like, no longer the swan she used to be.

No grace and no charm..

He made her that way.