Yours

 I use to feel like yours

tangled in you

kisses here, kisses there

fingers touching every piece of you

I use to feel like yours

songs in my ear

heartbeats in sync

humming my name

I use to feel like yours

sleeping separately

no longer talking

running out of every room you enter

I use to feel like yours

listening to you breath in your sleep

I lay awake screaming, hoping you can hear me

my heart is hurting.

I use to feel like yours

I don't feel like yours

do you want me to be yours?

behind closed doors

He always painted a pretty picture,

Painted smiles and rainbows,

Yet behind closed doors he was something else.

Stated he had childhood trauma,

Made his mom out to be the bad guy,

His brother was not his brother because their blood was different,

His sister was just like his mom,

A bitch.

He always wrote fairy tales,

Writing about slaying the dragon and marrying the princess,

Yet behind closed doors he was somewhere else.

Cried for his past love,

Her parents tried to save her from him,

Separation for a while but it didn't last long,

Clung to her like it was his last breath,

Clung to her till she took her last breath.

He always sang melodies,

Sang for love and hope,

Yet behind closed doors he was something else.

He married his "equal",

A wedding that was to bring families together,

Broke more apart,

Time was supposed to heal,

But not when he lives in the past.

He painted, he wrote, he sang,

Still no rainbows, no slaying the dragon, no hope.

He's is someone else.

Monday

 I seen her yesterday,

she looks almost the same as she did when we last talked

I can't remember how many years it been.

more than 2? 5?

who knows.

She walked toward me and met my gaze.

I wish I knew what she was thinking.

Every time I spot her in a crowd,

I can't help but stare at her.

Amazed at the woman she has become,

even if I know very little about her.

I like to imagine her life full and happy.

I half smiled and cowboy nodded in her direction.

She had looked unsure at first and looked down.

I didn't waver my look.

She then looked back and returned with a small smile,

slightly curved but meaningful.

We kept walking, further and farther apart.

It was over.

But today, I think of her.

A hypothetical

 I wanted to know if he would chase me,

Chase after me, after an awful fight,

Words slamming to the ground,

Stuff we said in the heated moment.

He looked over at me,

Still holding the steering wheel,

Other hand holding mine.

"No."

I was easily let go?

No cat and mouse,

No fighting to keep us together?

Releasing his hand I continued to think,

Holding back my anger,

Possible hurt,

But no tears.

I don't need to lose myself on a hypothetical.

Deep down, I know he's not lying.

That's What She Said

 it was only 10pm

we all piled in my car just to take a drive.

everyone was spilling and dishing out secrets.

only because of the drinks they had during the game.

she then said "ugh, you can have him."

this wasn't the first time she had told me this.

she told me this once before she got pregnant.

our babies were 12+ months old,

i was married.

"you can have him,"

i knew how he felt about me,

hes felt that way since i was perhaps 6.

she was buzzed and looking for a way out,

out of my car,

out of her relationship.

many months pass and yet she still says,

"you can have him"

she was no longer with him,

but still giving me her blessing to take him.

he would look at me,

and i knew he loved me.

i loved him,

but i didnt want him.

not in that way.

the type of way,

only when i needed someone to call me out on my bull*.

when i needed a friend to hang out with.

when i wanted to feel loved back.

but his love was too strong.

its 9 years later and she says

"you can have him."

shes not buzzed, she sober.

shes not his, hes not hers.

she knows, him looking at me was "love"

love never given to her.

but still those words echo through the town,

"you can have him"